Deployment Day 151

just figuring out how many days we were down. we're about 5 months into deployment now. i'm thinking i'll have a half-way party next month ;) LOL

Deployment Day 88

Days like today make me SUPER-HATE deployments. ntohing really out of the ordinary as we started our day. kids go up, had some coffee, savannah's mom called and asked if she could bring savannah by tonight and i could drop the kids off on sunday. Said sure, no problem, that works WONDERFULLY for me, b/c then i could have like like 4 SOLID hours of packing on sunday. awesome. Got dressed, went to the comissary and got the car washed. we stopped at the mailbox on the way home, and sean said that his tummy hurt. I thought he was getting car sick (b/c we all know...that's what sean does) so we road the next 1/2 mile home with the window's rolled down...never fails. always makes him feel better. so i open the door to get him out and he's still WHITE. says his tummy hurts but that he's not going to throw up. so i get him out of the car and let them play outside while i put the groceries in the house. he'd been begging since 730 to "ride his green bike". so i was letting him. i went over to zip him up and he was shiverring....so inside we went and he has a fever...102.5.

he didn't eat lunch, took a nap, got up, and was begging to go out side again and after about an hour of begging and his temp staying aournd 101.9 i decided why not. so he rode his bike around the driveway for an hour and was shaking agin. he went inside and layed down...a little while late his fever started spiking. I was on the phone with my mom and it spiked to 104, then 104.5. i gave him more motrin and a couple cups of juice and then he puked. after he puked, he was better...still has a fever, but he ate dinner and kept it down and was playing. i think he jsut drank his juice too fast that made him throw up. he still has a fever...just 3 hours after motrin it was already back up to 102.9. so i'll be up every 3 hours alternating tylenol and motrin. fun. i just hope he gets better quickly and that it doesn't spread. between yesterday's doctor debauchery and today-i'm done! i hate being a "single" mom. it blows.

Michael called tonight. he was tired and kinda annoyed, but generally good. i'm hoping he calls again tomorrow and we have a better, more lighthearted, more attentive conversation. i miss him. it sounds like he's going to be moving up in command soon. right now he's 3rd, but soon he'll be 2nd. this isn't a promotion, but still kinda cool :)

Deployment Day 87

communication has SUCKED latley. I've had like 1 phone call in the past week...and it was short. I had NO idea how BADLY i would miss those phone calls...i mean, i knew i LOVED those calls, and looked forward to them, and anticipated them...but the more time that goes in between calls, the more i obsess! i'm constantly checking my email...i make sure i take my phone EVERYWHERE with me...like worse than before...i took it to the bathroom with me. Just making sure that i know where it is - is no longer enough.

but Michael's doing well. they've been busy lately...extra busy. Not necessarily a good thing. but it is what it is. the day shift (as usual, at least, per DH's opinon ;) ) is shirking thier stuff onto the night shift b/c they believe that night shift never has anything to do. so not true, but they don't care :) LOL He seems in good spirits. his night shift "partner" is on R&R already. she'll be back in a few weeks. Tiffany's car is still here...stressing me out! We leave in just a couple of weeks. just BARELY a couple of weeks. packing is going...slow. I need a drill sargent...or just someone to come do it for me..LOL

but tomorrow is supposed to be sunny and 55! we're going to the park- FOR SURE! sean can not wait to ride his bike. he's such a little biker dude.

Deployment Day 80

i'm super failing at the blogging thing :) LOL

We've had SUN lately!! it's been AWESOME. We got to go to the park this weekend and have played outside just about everyday! i LOVE the sun. it immediatley makes me feel so much better :)

We had child swap #2 yesterday.I went shopping..i decided that i['m going to have to find something cheaper to do next week b/c i can't afford to just randomly spend $75/week on nothing. lol. i got a bathing suit yesterday. I was super shocked that THAT was what i came out of my 2 hours with. that and flip flops :) i LOVE old navy flip flops. LOVE them :)

Savannah came over here again. We had fun. We had chicken nuggets and peas for dinner. Sean was NOT happy with this decision. I said, "i'm sorry bud, one day you'll have your own house and you can have whatever you want to eat." he went about his business...a few minutes later i (stupidly) asked, "Sean, what are you doin in there?" his reply???... "I'm gonna use my tools and build my own house."

BWAHHAHAHA!!! my child's genius :)

but they had a really good time playing last night. they all get along SO well...never fighting. they just play and Savannah is SUCH a girl. she took this ball that sean has, with elmo and cookie monster on it...it's big and soft and when you push their mouths it shakes and 'giggles". Savannah picked it up and said "BABY" nad immediatley stuck it up her shirt. LOL (mia, btw, thought this was a wonderful idea and immediatley mimicked her ;) LOL)

i'm slowly but surely making very small progress on teh packing. little tiny baby steps... we'll get there eventually.

michael's doing well. his grandmother is still in the hospital...i think they've removed the breathing tube, but haven't shocked her heart. Michael was saying that they might not have to. so that's good news? He's been really busy at work. we haven't talked too much. i miss him so much.

Deployment Day 72

What a fun day!! Today was the first day of child swapping. I dropped the kids off at Helen & Savannah's house at 1030 this morning, went and got my hair did , grabbed some lunch, and went to pick them up. My hair's not much different. It's shorter and has a little more shape to it :)

When i got to their house, i rang the doorbell, and immediately heard cries. I thought, "OH NO! My kids have been horrible this entire time!" No...Savannah was crying b/c she didn't want them to go home! LOL!! So we hung out for just a little while so they could eat their lunch. We finally pried the kids away from one another and got home. Sean cried the entire way home b/c he wanted to play and "Bah's house" (how in the world "Savannah" turns into "Bah" i have no clue. I've been working with the poor kid all week, but he just can't get it. LOL at one point today he got so tired of being corrected he referred to the poor girl as "that guy" LOL). So we got home and put the kids straight to bed. Then i got to work and seriously got the house under control. Mopped, dusted, organized, decluttered. I rocked it :) The kids both took really good naps. I think Savannah wore them both out :). Sean finally got up around 4 and we had a snack and played with my exercise ball for awhile (who knew that this would be the coolest toy known to man??) . I just had broken out the markers for the kids to color on the windows and there was a knock on the door. Sean THREW the markers down, RAN like i've never seen him run before, and opened the door before i could even get there. LOL i THINK he may have been a little excited :) We had dinner...a power struggle with Sean over taking his "thank you bite", then played up stairs, put Mickey mouse to bed, cured every child in the room of being "sick" (i asked what was wrong and the only thing either of them would say is "I sick") built with blocks, knocked over said blocks, cleaned up, and went down stairs and got settled in for a few minutes of Pinnochio. Helen showed up shortly after Pinnochio was visited by the blue fairy (or princess according to Savannah) and she once again cried b/c she didn't want to leave. LOL

It was fun. We've decided it will definitely be a weekly thing!! totally an awesome day :)

Deployment Day 70

Not a whole lot new here. pretty tame weekend (are there any others around here? LOL) we went to a birthday party on Sunday. It was really fun. The place was a little crowded and needed some serious safety upgrades (duct tape is NOT a solution when my children's LIVES are on the line), but they had an arcade, and my kids are too young to know that those things take money, so we had a blast there :) and then they got pizza and cake and pop, and sean was just on cloud 9. he was even excited when Adrian (the birthday boy) opened his present.

i turned in our 30 day notice to the rental company today. we're still going to have to pay for the entire month of april which is stupid. but whatever. I have to call the moving company tomorrow. and the storage unit. stuff to do stuff to do....

So. Michael's grandma is not doing well. They took her off the vent yesterday for about 5 hours and she was ok, but then she couldn't get her breath and started basically suffocating. so they put her on the vent again, and her doctors all met this morning and decided that there's really not much they can do. she still has a blockage in her heart and they can't do anything about it b/c her heart isn't strong enough and it's not getting any stronger and they can't get her off the vent. So they're running one last test, adn we'll have the result by 9 am. they said the chances are really really slim that it could help, but her chances are zero right now, and so they figured they may as well try.

this is really hard on Michael. He has a super small family and hasn't ever really had anyone die. and now he won't even get to say goodbye or anything :( it's breaking my heart :(

Deployment Day 67

so i know i've slacked off the past few days. I really just haven't had much to say.

I'm moving back home. i just have to go turn in my notice to the rental people on Monday. and find a storage unit, and sort through every single thing we own, decide what to pack, what to take, what to sell, and what to trash. i'm just stressed. I'm ready to be done with the move already, to be home, and out of crappy weather!! it's finally warmed up here, but hasn't stopped raining. YUCK.

i'm watching Eagle Eye. i'll update more this weekend :)

Deployment Day 64

Major Mommy FAIL moment. We had a mommy's group meetup at a dance studio this morning, and who forgot their camera?? ME. I was so mad! Sean did SOOO good! he had SO much fun! It wasn't like ballet or anything organized. they had circle time, and warm up, and sean was begging for me to hold him, but i told him i was playing with everyone else, so i jsut participated, and he eventually went from crying straight to laughing and just jumped right in. The lady leading it was HILARIOUS. she had them wave their "magic wands" and make puddles and then asked who was going to leap over the puddles. Sean didn't even wait to be called! LOL he watched her do it, then went right out and did it first :) HILARIOUS and this was when i realized i didn't have my friggen camera! then they had to take out their imaginary "books" and see what animals were in there, then had to be those animals. Sean picked the animal twice...my "quiet" little man was quite outspoken when it came to picking animals :) LOL

then they got cookies and "juice boxes like Owen and Aiden have at their house. At their house out side in their garage!!!" Undoubtedly Sean's favorite part of the day :) LOL then they got to play with some tambourines and maracas (which sean proudly told me were from dora the explorer- my child watches to much tv), then just dancing to a cd.

Mia was there too, but too young to participate. she made me hold her for first part of the class. then she was down doing her own thing and would occassionaly shake her booty with everyone else.

we didn't do much else today :) just played here at home.

Michael called last night. He had called his dad before he called me so Thankfully i didn't have to tell him about his grandma. I did however, have to tell him how his Dad intentionally kept the info from us. and guess what, he was mad. lol. we didnt' dwell on it though. the last thing i wanted to do was get him worked up. so i went from telling him about it, and that i was mad, but didn't say anything to Bill, and i got Shirley a card and i would be getting it in the mail asap, to a story about sean. a HILARIOUS story about sean :) He has a book about animals, and at the end it asks "which is your favorite" and so we did his favorite, mia's favorite, mommy's favorite, then when I asked, "What's daddy's favorite?" he goes, "DADDY LIKES WHORES!" LOL (horses for those not fluent is Sean-ese) which made me laugh so hard i cried :) LOL love that kid

Deployment Day 62/63

so i was just too pissed off last night to blog. seriously. so i'm blogging on day 63, about day 62 ;) LOL

so i got a call yesterday afternoon from Michael's mom. She goes, "so have you heard anything else about Shirley?" i said, "no, what the hell is wrong with Shirley?" (Shirley is Michael's grandma). "Oh? Shirley had a massive heart attack and is on a ventilator and Shari (Michael's sister) said that they wanted to shock her heart but they couldn't because she had a blood clot" WHAT????????? Seriously? So i let her go and start calling Michael's family, and finally get his sister on the phone. "Shari-what happened to your grandma?" "Oh, she's better now...well, kinda" that was my answer. i was getting nothing out of her. So i asked when she had a heart attack and she said Monday or Tuesday. So Bill finally calls me back..and to make a long story short, Shirley is in much more stable condition now and is off the vent and they are slowly bringing her out of her coma. They decided not to call and tell me because they didn't' want me telling Michael b/c there's no sense in worrying him when he's thousands of miles away. ????? WTF? Really???? That's SO not your call! This is his grandmother and if nothing else, weather or not he needs to know should be MY decision, NOT yours. What if she had died? would you have "allowed" me to tell him that? or would you have just kept that from me too, and then the next time we all got together, i"d be all like, "Where's Shirley?" and then there would be confused stares at me and a nonchalant, "oh, she died 8 months ago". What in the hell people??? That's serious information. Do they KNOW Michael at all??? do they have any idea how PISSED he's going to be when he finds out that they PURPOSEFULLY kept this information from him, as though he was a small child??? I understand that he's in a super stressful situation, and i understand wanting to protect your children, but this is just SO wrong. so incredibly wrong. What in the hell is wrong with these people??

am i being irrational? Are they right? i just can not fathom keeping something that huge a secret. I just think of how hurt i would have been if no one had called to tell me that Dad had gone into the hospital, b/c, after all, i am 900 miles away.

i just don't understand those people, nor will i ever. I was nice and cordial when I spoke to Michael's dad, but FUMING on the inside. They're just a bunch of asstards.

Deployment Day 61

not much to report today. We started the day with our schedule, but then we had to go to walmart. it was FREEZING out today. absolutely freezing. i didn't realize this before I left...so the kids (and of course, me, too) were cold. lol! Whoops! no major meltdowns at walmart today! WOOT! We checked th email on our way home and I got my new Wii My Trainer game. got in, fed the kids lunch, put them to bed, and put it in the wii....then proceeded to get my booty kicked :) in a good way though. it wasn't so hard that i couldn't keep up, but hard enough that i definitely was sweating and tired. I liked it overall! i'll see what i think about it tomorrow :) LOL

So i was thinking in my bath tonight that i should just move home. there are too many benefits.... and i don't think we can "count" on another deployement with the new plan to withdraw all the troops from Iraq by august 2010. but if i move home, we'll have more than enough to take our trip, pay off the car, buy another car out right, and still have significant savings. So on Monday i need to make a bunch of calls. I need to find out how much it would cost for movers to move us into a storage place here, and i need to call housing and make sure that they will move us out of a storage shed. and of course, i have to wait for Michael to call again. He's told me repeatedly that whatever i want to do is fine :)

but i was thinking that with our "leftover" money, and having 0 debt, we should be able to rent for a year or so, and then revisit the homeowner thing. we would know by then if another deployment is on the horizon, and how much we would have saved by then. i feel good about my decisions tonight :) lol

Deployment Day 60

so i know lent was wednesday, and that i'm not terribly religious. but i read on another blog that a mama had decided to give up the internet every day between the hours of 7 am. and 8 pm. for some reason it just seemed like an EXCELLENT idea, so i decided to do the same (well i decided from 8-8 would fit my schedule better ;) ).

So today was the first day :) it went well! We tried out a "schedule" and some new games and different ideas. Sean still had a slightly rough late evening, but an all around good day :) I feel accomplished and am happy with how the day went. i think we might go back to the playground tomorrow morning. they had a TON of fun there.

i talked to michael for a little while this afternoon. he had no new thoughts on what i should do. i'm just going to sit on it for a little while and see what happens :)

i'm watching Get Smart. i LOVED this show growing up :)

Deployment DayS 58 & 59

i tried to blog my Wordless Wednesday last night, but i just couldn't make it work. for some reason my pictures just wouldn't post...or they'd post but not post right. so i'm trying again :)











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THURSDAY

really, there's not much to blog today. i still have no clue what i should do. It's apparently 100% my decision, as i was told yesterday. If anyone has some words that would make my decsion 100% crystal clear, that would be Super ;) i see lots of upsides to going home...LOTS of upsides. and there are a few upsides to staying here...i enjoy my own space. i think it'd be better for the kids to be at home. especially sean. I so feel like i'm failing him so much of the time. i just don't know what to try and what i'm doing right and wrong. he'd be able to go to preschool there, and i think that would be WONDERFUL for him. i really do.

anyhoo...we went to the playground this morning. the kids had a blast. i think we are ALL so stinkin ready for some SUN! (yes ANOTHER bonus to TN...no 80 month long winter...)

Deployment Day 57

***just a warning...this is not going to be a very happy blog entry today. i am trying to be positive, but i can tell you already that it's not going to be positive entry. if you don't want to hear (read?) it than feel free to just skip this one :) ***

Do you ever just feel bad when you know that you really don't have a reason?? I know in my head that i should be on cloud 9, but i.am.not. period. I do NOT feel happy today.

let me back up.

Michael signed his papers this morning. He reenlisted for Fort Campbell. We'll be moving there in May 2010. THIS is EXCELLENT news. excellent. what we've been waiting for for like 5 years now. We've been talking for days and days about the possibility of buying a house in Clarksville. We want to stay there. we already know we like clarksville, and it's so close to home that we just want to stay there. Being homeowners is a HUGE dream of ours. something we have seriously dreamed about since we got married. but we knew it wasn't logical to buy a house when we were going to be moving so often. so we just let ourselves dream and accepted the fact that we wouldn't be homeowners until retirement. so we saw this awesome opportunity and have been so excited about it.
Well we decided yesterday that in order to get a really good down payment, i should just move back home and save all that rent money. we ran all the numbers and the possiblities and after we saw that it was really going to work, we got really excited. there were going ot be downsides to me moving home, but we decided that it was really going to be best.

so i emailed him this morning and said that i didn't realize how big of a thing we were asking my mom and dad until the words were coming out of my mouth, but that Mom had said it was ok. He called a few hours later and long story short(er), he no longer thinks that moving home is a really good idea. we got too excited and didn't think about the impact it was going to have on others.

I am disappointed and confused as to what will actually be best for us it's hard to just look past wants and desires and think 100% logically and look at situations from every angle. i was doing that the other day when we first started thinking about all this. I was very careful to not get my hopes up and to try and be skeptical and think it all the way through. and now i'm slightly crushed b/c i did so much thinking and research and planning and allowed myself to get excited and this is really really really something that i want. and now it just might not happen.

add to this, Tiffany is leaving in just a few hours. i feel super lonely. I had gotten excited about moving back home nad having friends and family and i feel like that's been taken away from me (i know, dramatic much??) and now the only friend i have here is also being taken from me :(

and also we had a REALLY REALLY crappy connection this morning so our calls kept getting dropped, which makes it really hard to carry on a conversation. it was INCREDIBLY frustrating. we eventually just gave up. so now i've been thinking about all these possible scenarios all day and i don't even know when i'm going to get to talk to michael again.

and b/c of all of this, i was in a grumpy mood, which means the kids were in a grumpy mood, which just creates a vicious circle. LOL

so i know this is all not that serious and i should be really excited that we'll be back in TN in 15 months time. that should be my focus, and it will be...tomorrow :) but for now i'm allowing myself to be upset. just for today. tomorrow the sun will rise on a new day and a new perspective and i'll be able to focus on the positive. but for now, i sulk ;) LOL

Deployment Day 56

i worked hard today. Took care of business, cleaned cleaned cleaned, and ran some errands :) i am exhausted tonight. i got almost zero sleep last night. like literally. so i'm watching Heroes right now and then am definitely going to bed. I just hope i'm able to get some sleep. i have NOT been sleeping well lately. i sleep pretty ok, but good lord it takes forever to fall asleep.

anywho...it was another disastrous trip to walmart today. Not anywhere near as bad as last time, but he wasn't very good. but thankfully we didn't need to be there very long.

No phone call today. I emailed him, but haven't heard back. I'm weighing options right now and considering moving home. Just for the purpose of saving money. michael (and me too) really want to buy our own house. so i was on a fact finding mission this afternoon. i still have a LOT to learn, but i learned a lot today :)

We have our playdate tomorrow morning. Pray it goes well!!

Deployment Day 55

It was an INCREDIBLY lazy day at the Matasick household. i'm chalking it up to it being a Sunday.

But Michael called tonight. we had a fun phone call. we talked all about buying houses in Clarksville. we looked a bunch up on line. just day dreamin :) but hopefully when we get back to TN we can make it a reality! we'll just have to see what the next year holds :)

Deployment Day 54

No phone call today :( boo...

We decided today that sean HAD to get a hair cut. It was bad. So i called. there's this awesome place in Watertown, with this wonderful woman named Kim. We got an apointment for noon. nap's at 1, so noon worked fine :) We get there and Kim is finishing up with the client before me. So we have a seat...where sean finds a bowl of "pops!" LOL dumdums and mini tootsie pops to be exact. :) so we talked about Pops for 5 minutes and how he could get one after his haircut IF he was a good boy and sat really still. So the entire time he talked about pops... "brown pop" and then Kim told sean, "Your hair's so long you could wear it in a pony tail!" COMPLETELY cracked him up. then we talked about what Daddy would say if he had a pony tail, "No way!" LOL then we finished up and Sean did get his Pop :) a "brown pop" (tootsie pop). he came home and devoured it in about 3.5 seconds :) LOL

Deployment Day 53

we stayed home again. did some stuff around the house. nothing major. michael called today :) WE really had a pretty good conversation today. once again, nothing major, but a nice conversation. It seems that his reenlistment is going through :) we were worried b/c some people have had their reelistments denied... but as of right now, Michael should be able to sign the papers tomorrow night...maybe Monday b/c of the weekend. and that means we should be at Fort Campbell in May 2010. I know better than to get my hopes up until it's a done deal. but if we do get to fort campbell...that would be AWESOME! lol

Deployment Day 52

I got to experience my first true public meltdown today. in walmart. there weren't any of those carts that both kids can sit in, so sean walked. he refused to hold my hand throughout the store, but stayed with me Pretty well...for a 2.5 year old, at least. then. the check out aisle. evil, evil, checkout aisle. Candy! Candy with movie characters on it! Candy, with movie characters on it, in the shape of cameras and cell phones! he ended up throwing a fit when i took away his "cars camera" (that i did NOT give him, by the way...they're on the floor level, right where he has full acess to them). i made him sit in time out in the aisle while i paid. he SCREAMED. i mean, top of his lungs, as loud as he can get, screaming...and he was kicking the belt thingie. I feel sure everyone in the store was watching me, but i ignored all the eyes that i felt burning in the back of my head, and sean. he stopped quickly. then when we got in the car, i was so mad that i took his baby shrek that he had brought and threw it in the box that we were mailing to Michael and told him that I was sending his toy to Daddy b/c he'd been so bad. LOL..not my finest mommy moment and on the way to the post office, i regretted saying it, but i couldnt' take it back...i had to go through with it...so michael will soon be receiving a box with fresh, clean towels, weight lifting gloves, kool aid, and a baby shrek toy from McDonalds...

why didn't anyone include this in the list of firsts everyone talks about when your having a baby?? First words, first steps, first teeth....first public tantrum :) oh yeah...b/c then no one would reproduce :) LOL

Deployment Day 51-Wordless Wednesday

Deployment Day 50!

woot! 50 days down! LOL!!

so...My husband SUCKS at talking on the phone. He is ALWAYS talking to someone else, doing something else. he just is not good at talking on the phone. and he only calls while he's at work so the conversations never super personal. it really leaves a lot to be desired :) LOL TOnight he was talking to someone about a broom, and searching the web for an MP3 player. yeah. interesting conversation.

anyway. fun filled day of errands here :) we got up, got breakfast, coffee (for me, not the kids, i swear ;) ), got dressed and then we had to go to the post office. I had tiffy's tough box to mail, a box for a friend of ours who is already in Afghanistan, and a box i had to mail to michael....and 2 kids. so i loaded up the car, then got the kids shoes and coats on, then remembered that it was trash day. so i go to try and drag the trash cans to the curb...they were frozen to the ground, and when i tried to move them, it strained my back. ugh. so then i had to pick them up and carry them one at a time to the curb (there's only 2 and the curb is only about 25 feet away...this is not as big of a deal as i'm making it seem, i swear). as i'm carrying the first overfull trashcan to the curb, i step on a huge, thick chunk of ice and slip..i don't fall, just twist and hurt my back this time. then i had to get the other trashcan unstuck and carry it to the curb. then get the kids loaded into the car, drive to the post office. I take in the two boxes, set them down, get the tough box, bring it in, set it down, then go back out and grab the kids. this stressed me out but i figured leaving them out in the car for the 10 seconds they were out of my sight was better than leaving them unattended in the post office, or letting them run around the parking lot. carrying the heavy boxes was not fun...my back is HURTING by the end of my post office adventure. i then figure it's better to just stay in the car than go home, so we go to the car wash and get the car washed. the car wash is easily one of sean's favorite places...he loves to give the play by play...as if it were some terrifying. "AAAAH!!! here comes the water mommy!" "the soap got me Mommy! it's getting you Mommy! It's going to get Mia Mommy!" "The dryer!! The dryers on Mommy!!" all the while just giggling and laughing his head off. it's possible he needs to get out more..LOL! After our exciting adventure in the carwash, we drove through arby's before we went home. my plan was to keep the kids in the car as long as possible so we could just get home, eat lunch and straight to bed, leaving me with very little work to actually do :)

i've taken 2 500mg naproxen today and my back still hurts...it'll be better tomorrow, i feel sure. It better b/c i got nothing accomplished this afternoon! LOL

Deployment day 49

we stayed home today. i've done laundry today, cleaned, played, etc. sean was in a mood. i'm exhausted. i have to force myself to go to bed at night. then to force myself to turn off the tv and go to sleep. i hate sleeping alone. i miss my best friend. my partner. my other half :( i loved being at home and i loved having cate here, but at the end of the day it was still lonely going to bed alone.

michael didn't call today either. i'm really not as sad as this entry sounds, i swear. just miss him. and am soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo tired. i know that's definitely not helping me.

sorry for the downer entry...

Deployment Day 48

Cate's gone :( She had to go home today. We woke this morning, had breakfast, got dressed, and were off to winterfest! winterfest family fun festival in syracuse...it sounded like lots of fun on line...a magician MC, balloon animals, face painting, a caricaturist.... so we thought we'd check it out!! we got there a little early..had the time wrong. no big deal. we got our caricature done first. me, sean and mia. the guy was really nice. talked to sean a lot...had been doing this for 20 years, apparently. it was an...interesting...picture. i know what caricatures look like, but this guy made mia look like pinky and the brain! LOL then we made a duck necklace, that you fill with sand...ya know, all the different colors of sand in layers? it stayed in layers for about 30 seconds..lol!!

the whole thing was pretty lame. there were 3 different "polar bears" walking around. sean was terrified of them. mia was enthralled with them at first, then high fived them...then started basically attacking them. she literally spend 30 minutes going from one to the other just hugging them. it was hilarious :)

anyhow...then we went on to the mall to do some shopping :) we hung out there until it was time to take cate to the airport. we had lunch, got some bras, cate gave mia her first taste of diet coke ( ;) LOL), got some other clothes...really really good time!! I'm exhausted...just ready to sleep...lol.

michael called tonight, but was pretty busy at work, so we really didn't talk much. i told him about our day and he got to talk to sean a little. he said he should be able to get his reenlistment paper work tomorrow or the next day. we'll be going to fort campbell may of '10. that would be AWESOME. wonderful, except for the stupid deployment aspect.

Deployment Day 47

(once again...posting on the wrong day :) LOL)

busy busy busy! me, cate, and the kids ran some more errands today. we went shopping at the mall...we didn't find much and we had a few meltdowns :) then it was off to walmart, but we were in watertown, so it was the crappy walmart. but we found some stuff we needed for Michael. he's been requesting blue sheets for a while now..lol then lowes where we got shelves for the pantry and a storage unit for the living room for all the kids toys.

came home and made lunch for everyone, then it was naptime, and me and cate got to work. i put together the toy unit, and cate installed shelves. then she organized all our food. lol when the kids got up, we played and watched toy story 1, and 2 :)ate dinner, took a bath...the usual

then after the kids went to bed, we played GUITAR HERO!!! love that game. it was really fun. cate had never played. but by then end of the night, she was just as good, or better, than me...but that's really not saying a whole lot :) LOL

michael called too. he sounded in good spirits. he was telling me about how he threw a fit...

i gotta go..i just had a milk cup thrown at me :) lol

Deployment Day 46

Well, after 2 days, delayed flights many many fits in the airport, car, and pretty much everywhere else, we're HOME!! we got home last night. We went grocery shopping today, and both babies went to the doctor. sean needed more medicine b/c i left his at my parents house. but everyone looks good! sean's ear is healing, mia got the all clear, we got cold medicine from the doctor and mia's pediasure finally came in! Cate's here. she actually got in several hours before us...oops! lol.

we just did errands today :) px, commissary, walmart, shoe store, doctors. then cate made me load up mia's old (recalled) crib in my tiny little card and illegally dump it behind the shoe store :) LOL very exciting. the kids didn't get a nap today and were TOTALLY exhausted. they crashed all over the place before bed, and went to sleep quickly.

Michael called today while we were in walmart. he's pretty sure that he's reenlisting for fort campbell. while this is VERY good news, it's totally breaking my heart at the same time. he so doesn't want to reenlist and fort campbell means more deployments :( he sounded so depressed when he told me. not at all excited :( it really made me feel really really badly. but we'll get a bonus :) and get to live in TN again!! and, as always, i'll believe it when i see it. nothings final yet.

off to watch ER with Cate!!

Deployment Day 40

whew!! Vacation is TIRING! Sean has an ear infection...which explains some of his behavior...i think the rest is b/c michael's gone, and well...he's 2. Dad is home from the hospital and doing really really well. He's going back to work on tuesday. he passes his stress test yesterday. we all feel much better now :)

michael's gotten to call a couple of times. he's working really really hard right now (imagine that ;) LOL) but he is working 18 hour days trying to get all these systems up and running on a bunch of crappy computers on a really shakey network...with only 1 other person helping! fun stuff. but he did say that the days have been going by fast working so much. so there is a very small silver lining :) LOL he sounds really really tired, but i think he'll be ok. i miss him like crazy. sometimes it just hits me.

but the weather is sunny and warm here today :) i LOVE it. we took the kids to the park this morning. sean and mia both had a BLAST. sean climbed this weird ladder thing and was so super proud of himself :)

Deployment Day 33

i'm pretty sure it's 33....things have been a whilwind since we got here. My dad is back in the hospital. i've only gotten to talk to michael the day we got in...sean is whiny and tired and off schedule and mad that he came to see his papa and now papa isn't here. he wants to stay with aiden and owen all the time but can't because they have stuff of their own to do. not to complain b/c i'm so happy im here, especially since my dad went back in the hospital. i HATED not being here last time. and i hate that he's in there again, but am so glad i don't have to worry from afar and feel eternally out of the loop. as soon as visiting hours start back up, i'm heading up there. Sarah's coming over to sit with the kids. i love having family here! now if we could just get everyone home and healthy, things would be good. hopefully we'll know more tomorrow or monday on dad... i don't really have the time or energy to post details right now. but he's doing good and should be able to come home monday....I REALLY wish michael would call me again. he called when dad went in the hospital but i was in his room and we can't have our cell phones on in there... i would LOVE to hear his voice right now :(

Deployment Day 29

TO-MORROW TOMORROW, I LOVE YA, TO-MORROW!

We'll be in TN this time tomorrow!! We'll be leaving EARLY in the morning! I can't can't can't wait!! Me and the kids (especially Sean) really REALLY need this break. I have no patience for Sean these days, and he's just acting out for attention. We really need this :) it will be so good for all of us :) we're (almost) all packed. I have some diapers in the dryer that need to be packed, i'm going to run to the gas station and fill up and get some cash.

i love my sister in law. i'm so friggen excited, i don't even know what else to say!

Deployment Day 28

Monday Monday...

Me and the kids braved the snow storm this mroning to go to walmart :) LOL there was SOOOOOO much snow. Sean was FREAKING out when i was getting him in his carseat b/c "THERE'S SNOW ON MY CARSEAT! THERE'S SNOW ON MY PANTS!! THERE'S SNOW ON MY SHOE!!!" LOL...i was like, If you would get in and sit down, i could try and get rid of the snow!! LOL We got stuff to put in a box for michael, but there was just TOO much snow to go to the post office. it's down a small little road. so we'll TRY tomorrow...but i'm not sure the weather's going to be a lot better :) and then we leave WEDNESDAY :) yay! i'm so excited.

i got an email today. I'm not sure what he's up to, but he told me yesterday that he wouldn't be able to call for a few days. so i was happy to get the email. but it REALLY really made me miss him. really really miss him. like, i don't want to think about it because it'll make me cry i miss him so much. I sent him some pictures of the kids yesterday and the last one was a picture of Sean sleeping cuddling his Daddy doll. he really liked it. he said it was way too cute :) Sean goes to bed every night with his Dadddy. He tells me, "put it here" and points to his little arm :) it's adorable.

Deployment Day 27

I suck. That's pretty much it... I suck as a mommy (today at least) and i suck as a wife. I have been SO short with sean and he has been pushing every button I have....he's whiny, fussy, dramatic, annoying, and is just driving me crazy. and I told Michael all about it when he called today. He got all worried that Sean was going to turn into some mega brat. I could tell by his voice that he was really concerned with Sean's behavior. I felt really bad and tried to ease his mind and reassure him that it was just a combo of sickness, tiredness, we haven't gotten to go anywhere except for the commissary all week, we can't go out to play, we haven't gotten to go to the playground because they've been sick... we're just all ready to get out of the house and blow off some steam :) but to be safe, i'm going to take sean to the doctor in the morning...assumining we can get out of the house. we got a ton of snow last night, and i think we're supposed to get more tomorrow.....

3 days...3days.....3 days....i feel like dropping them off with mom and dad, and not seeing them again until we come back here!!!!! LOL

Deployment Day 26

goodness. I can't believe it's been almost a month already! i hope the next year goes quickly.

No phone call today. I did however, get another afghanistan text :) he apologized for not getting to call and said he loves and misses me :)

Me and the kids just went to the commissary this morning for some groceries. that's always a fun experience :) shopping with both kids :) they were good though, seriously. they have the shopping carts with the race car on top. Sean has to pick out the red one everytime :) and today they had a red one, so all was good!

that was just about it for today though. just groceries, car wash (yes...here. our orange car was WHITE from the salt!!) , lunch, naps, and then the rest of the day. just the norm :) not a whole lot to report... i'm exhausted and very ready for TN. just a few more days........

Deployment Day 25

It was yet another day of being sick. I woke up feeling pretty darn yuck this morning, but still not as bad as the kids. The kids, however seem to be getting better. still sick, but healing...

Michael called this morning. he told me that i sounded like crap :) that's something you always love to hear :) but he sounded really good. just working. they keep changing his computer so he keeps losing all his work. He's written this same SOP like 3 times now :) poor guy

all in all, it wasn't an awful day :) my shopping addiction continues to spiral out of control. i've decided that i'm going to have to just give myself an allowance and once it's gone it's gone. I keep finding things i "NEED" b/c of our trip home. yeah...that's what it is. a "NEED". I NEED more clothes b/c i have 2 pairs of jeans...one's too big and has a hole in them, and the other's too smal.... i have no nice shirts that have no stains or holes in them. are these the things i'm buying??? NO!! i can't help myself. i have been paying off bills first...so that's good. Michael was talking about how great our trip is going to be. and it is. I can't even fathom what 2 weeks traveling through Europe with JUST Michael will be like. We are going to have SO much fun.

Deployment Day 24

i know i didn't post this last night. Mia ended up taking a late nap yesterday and was up until 9:15 last night, and then i was trying to watch Grey's....the kids didn't make that easy though!!

but there wasn't a whole lot to report anyway! Michael called which is always super awesome and exciting. but he didn't have a whole lot to talk about. He's "moving" next week...from one tent to another. they decided to put all the NCO's together and all the enlisted together. he was kinda happy about that b/c even though the guys he's living with are pretty respectful, he said he just feels like they're SO young, even though they're not that much younger than him. then i reminded him that he was probably close to 10 years older than some of them...he loves it when i make him feel old :) LOL

The children have officially infected me. I have their cold, but still not as bad as they had it, Thank GOODNESS!!

(Mia is currently pulling her riding toy around the house. Not riding on it...just walking aorund, dragging it behind her...LOL...she's so silly)

My dad had a 3 hour stress test yesterday. We don't have any results, he has to go back thursday for results, but we're assuming everything's ok, since they let him go home? lol..he didn't even see the doctor yesterday, so if soemthing were wrong, i guess the radiologist would have gone to get the doctor. so we're going with "no news is good news" for right now :)

Deployment Day 23

Still sick. Sean is miserable...totally miserable. and he's making me miserable. Mia seems to be doing better. not as stuffy and no fever in a few days now. I'm already debating over taking sean back to the doctor tomorrow.

Michael called this morning. No news to report. We were just chatting and I said something about about Tiffany and something that she had done...and he blew up. not at me but at her. He called her at work and went off on her and she just happened to be in the office with literally her ENTIRE chain of command. Long story (that i really don't want to give details to) short-she got in trouble at work and now has ot move to the barracks until she leaves for deployment :( it totally really really sucks and i just feel like i totally stuck my foot right in my mouth. She loves me and isn't mad at me and doens't think it's my fault at all...if Michael would have just not blown up at that moment, it would have been fine. but whateves.

Mia's crib came today! The brought it all the way up to her room too :) I was so relieved! i was really wondering how in the world i was going to get it upstairs by myself. I made the kids stay upstairs with me while i put it up and Sean just about lost him mind, but we got it all put together! Mia LOVES it. she was begging to get in it. I let her play in it for a few minutes. Then at bed time tonight, I was asking for my bedtime hug and she was saying "in" and trying to reach her legs in the crib. silly baby. it's a pretty big crib. It converts all the way to a full size bed. I really think it's pretty though :)

That's it :) i'm off to catch of Housewives of O.C. and sleep!!

Deployment Day 22

UGH...THIS is the type of day that makes me seriously HATE deployments. Both kids are super sick. really really sick...full of snot, sneezing, coughing, the whole thing. I took Mia to the doctor today. She has a double ear infection. fun fun fun. Sean just started getting sick yesterday, so i feel sure we'll be back at the doctor's thursday or Friday. Sean's way sicker than Mia was. His eyes literally didnt' stop running all day long. He looked like he was crying all day today. He fell asleep on the 5 minute ride home from the doctor-WAY not like sean. He isn't sleeping at all otherwise. i'm really really hoping he gets over this soon. I'm exhausted and would really really like a good nights sleep.

So michael didn't call today. i called time warner to get the international calling plan so that i could call his cell phone. yeah...it doesn't cover calls to cell phones. DOH! sucks. and from what i've found there isn't a company that DOES cover calls to cell phones. it was just a day of wonderful news :)

so that was pretty much our day. Got up and went to the doctor. Came home...no naps, hung out, and then an early bedtime. Sean's already awake again and having major problems sleeping. poor baby...

7 days until we leave for TN and I absolutley can't feaking wait. I'm definitely going to need it after this week!! :)

Deployment Day 21

THREE WEEKS DOWN! WHOOHOOO!

my battery's about to die, so this will be short. but He called today! He bought a cell phone. so weird...LOL but now i' can get unlimited international calling and we can talk a lot more :) and he sent me a text today :) I've never received a text from afghanistan before :) He got to hear Sean say I love you. not a horrible conversation :)

Now I have 2 sicky babies, btw. Sean is NOT wanting to sleep right now...b/c his nose is very slightly runny...Mia is stopped up so bad, her nose is running like a faucet, her eyes are running, and she's sound asleep...lol. He's a little drama king... :) so we're off to the doctor in the morning to make sure no one has an ear infection. Prayers that we're all well by the time we get on the plane are MUCH appreciated!!

Deployment Day 20

We FINALLY made it Syracuse...we went to babies r us first b/c we wanted to make sure we got the crib before we went to the mall, in case we lost track of time....we went in, gave them our receipt and they went to grab the crib for us....long story short. the crib didn't even come CLOSE to fitting in tiffy's truck. Thank goodness this took 2 trips to Syracuse to figure out. (please note the sarcasm). Shipping to watertown was $140...Fort Drum was $155. the guy was so nice and was able to work us a deal and only charged me $100. but still....it's $100 for a crib that i already had... grr. but now Mia will have a new (BEAUTIFUL) crib that converts all the way to a full size bed :)

then we hit the mall. Carousel Mall is a HUGE mall. I'd never been there before. It.was.NICE. we stayed there all day and didn't even see all of it :) Sean got new sunglasses and Mia got a new shirt. Mommy got a haircut :) i lurves it...lol! I think the kids had a good time. mia's still pretty pitiful, but she's doing good. she slept in the Mei Tai for a while right after we got to the mall and sean got to use the super cool (and expensive) race car strollers, so he was a happy camper. and i not only got a hair cut, but got to go out for breakfast, got to spend the day with Tiff, and got to go shopping :)

on the deployment front, STILL nothing. No phone call, no email. I'm TRYING not to worry. trying to convince myself that he's just been working crazy hours and that last time i went 2 months without hearing from him, but it SO doesn't make me feel better. It's only been 3 days. just 3 days. It means nothing, but still, i can't figure out why he hasn't called or emailed. so here's hoping for some communication tomorrow :)

i'm exhausted, though, so i'm done. I gotta go to bed... nighty night!

deployment day 19

More sickies today...but today is more like a cold. Just some stuffies, some runnies, and of course the whiney-s/clingies. but all around, she was pretty ok :)

We officially got snowed in today. Lake effect snow is LOTS of snow and is INCREDIBLY fluffy. big huge fat snow flakes. There was a "no unnecessary travel advisory" so the guy that plows my drive couldn't get out to come do it. and it was snowing like crazy, so i knew there was no point in me even attempting to shovel it myself b/c i can only do a few minutes at atime before i have to come inside to check on someone, even if it's just sean up. so we stayed inside. Tiffany came home from work and got 2 soldiers to shovel it for free for us, in exchange for a ride to walmart :) but the amount of snow we currently have is just insane...and i'm pretty sure it's going to snow again tomorrow. but we're going to syracuse.....i REALLY hope we can make it to syracuse... i NEED some time out of this house!!

No phone call today, again. boo, again. there was a suicide bomber in Kabul today. even though it wasn't near Michael, it still is just scary to hear those things. and for a second, i tend to forget that he's not infantry and I DO know where he is this time. Last time I would hear things and just have to pray that he wasn't there b/c they were constantly on the move, and i could never be 100% sure where they were. but this time he's staying on the FOB and is much safer.

I got the kids both these really super cute "Daddy Dolls" ( from here : http://hyenacart.com/prod_details.php?id=49342&vid=2699 ) and the kids love them. Sean was immediatley attatched to his. Mia can take it or leave it...LOL. But sean sleeps with his every night and loves "his Daddy". they are tooooooooo cute. I'm going to take their pics with them, and then i'll figure out how to put a picture in here ;) soon...i promise!

seeing if I can put picture in here that aren't ridiculously big ;)
-Tiffany in a hole she dug in the snow-my sicky girl talking on the remote :) LOL

Deployment Day 18

My poor baby girl is sick :( It's been a long day with her...poor thing. She woke up this monring and was whining and wouldn't let me put her down again...She was horribly constipated..i have NO idea why. She hasn't eaten anything different...


*******WARNING FOR ANY NON MOMMIES-THIS WILL BE TMI. YOU MIGHT WANT TO SKIP THE NEXT PARAGRAPH! Mommies know how it is...lol

She was trying to poop and was just crying and crying. She asked me to change her diaper and she was mid-poop. i had her laying on the floor and was trying to push her knees into her chest and she was SCREAMING and looking at me like, "why are you hurting me like this???????" Then she was literally mid poop but wouldn't /couldn't get it out, so i put her on the toilet and she eventually was able to get enough of it out that I could put her in the tub, with my help (YUCK!).....but she wouldn't sit down, and screamed blood murder when I layed her down, holding her up, of course. after the bath, she seemed to be doing better. She was still stuck to my hip, but only wanted to lay on my shoulder. she still had to poop. i tried to get her to drink some juice, and walk, and eventually had to just put her down and make her walk with me...she pooped some more finally, and it hurt her :( the poor thing was just miserable

(poop talk is over :) ) Mia had a fever yesterday and woke up with it still last night, but it must have broken this morning, and she THANKFULLY didn't run one at all today. But you can just look at her and tell she doesn't feel good. And to top it off today, she went from being constipated to the complete opposite. I don't know what is up with her pooor tum. Tiff went and got her some pedialyte, but she wouldn't drink it. They only get seriously watered down juice and now neither of them like regular juice..LOL. apparently that also applies to Pedialyte.

On the deployment front-no news today. michael didn't call or email. so there's nothing to report, i guess. I got nothing accomplished today, mostly b/c of Mia. I did not exercise, or keep track of what I ate. we're on it tomorrow though :) We were supposed to get all this snow today..i dont' think it even snowed at all...LOL. I think we are actually making it to Syracuse tomorrow. We were supposed to go today, but i just couldn't make Mia go anywhere. She was just SO pitiful.

Oh I spoke to Tricare again today and they said that the referal was FINALLY fixed! So i have to call back tuesday to make sure everyone's on the same page, and then i just have to figure out how to get the money back to me! :) lol but it's finally on it's way to being OVER. it still pisses me off that i'm having to do all this work for something that was 100% not my fault.

poo...mia just woke up crying...

Deployment day 17

I mopped the floor! that's right ladies and gentlemen...i haven't mopped the floor since Michael left. Not b/c i didn't have time or a mop...just b/c anything that involves me getting up and performing actual tasks i've been avoiding like the plague. b/c when i'm not 100% zoned out in my imaginary online lalaland, i have to think, and thinking sucks. But today, i'm getting over myself, and I cleaned. I forced a workout. I mopped the floor, and God smiled, b/c right as i sat down (at the computer, of course) after mopping the floor, the phone rang! Michael got to call and we got to talk for a long time! He sounded good, and it was 1 in the morning there! and he sounded normal and like Michael. It made me feel so good. We talked about what he's doing and his day and my day and going home at the end of the month and his work and the kids. it was SOOOOOOOOOO nice to hear from him! I feel about a million times better than i did this morning :) Deployment Day 17 is good. I'm not letting myself wallow in pity and just shut down and ignore everything. I'm doing something about it. i'm bettering myself and my kids :) Life isn't perfect, but life is good.

Deployment Day 16

Mia got up at 0530 this morning. I have no idea why...she was just up and crying...just way not happy. My poor girl. I just don't know what's wrong with her :( So we got out of my bed around 6 and came down stairs..i was still not allowed to put her down. We got milk and cereal and eventually she climbed down out of my lap. ugh...b/c of the super early wake up and all the crying, i was having a super anxious morning. I was super short with sean. i was trying really super hard to enjoy playing with him, and the phone rang...no it wasn't Michael. it was helen, my sister in law! long story short-she bought me and sean both plane tickets home!! We leave in 2 weeks! i still can't believe it. i have some stuff to plan out now :)

we had lunch, then i put the kids down for a nap. then, even though it was literally the LAST thing i wanted to...i halfheartedly worked out :) i'm pretty proud of my self.

once again, i'm watching a movie, so i'm gonna end this rambling since i'm not really paying any attention to what i'm saying anyway!

Deployment day 15

He called this morning :) didn't have a lot to report but it's always WONDERFUL to talk to him. I miss him so so so much. it was a relatively good day, but i think i really need a break. I started getting really short with Sean this afternoon for no reason. i just want like 5 minutes alone...ugh

Micahel got to hear Sean talk a little this morning. he's making such progress :) Mia can now point to at least 5 different body parts! They're growing SO fast!! it's really amazing. It makes me sad to just think about how incredibly different they're going to be by the time Michael gets home. Totally different kids :(

i'm watching a movie, so this is going to be short tonight

deployment day 14

two weeks down!! Only 50 left to go!!! whooooooooooooohoooooooooooo!!! lol..no call again today. boooo. we went to wic this morning and my skinny butt girl STILL hasn't gained a full pound. she was 17lbs 1/2 oz. lol...and that was with a disposable and her dress on. but the kids were good while we ere there, then we went to play for a while, then went to walmart and got some yummy delicious foods :)

i did excellent with my "diet" today. instead of mindless snacking, i started drinking water. I ate healthy and didn't feel deprived or hungry all day. I worked out good today. It really makes me feel good that i'm taking care of myself and it's helping everything else fall into place :) i think i've found my coping mechanism :) LOL

Deployment Day 13

Practically nothing to report today...i was withdrawn. No reason...just super tired. we went to walmart this morning b/c i needed creamer and ink, but they didn't have the ink. booooooo. When we were there, we went down the ice cream aisle, b/c it's also the frozen waffle aisle. Sean saw all the ice cream and he stopped in his tracks and his eyes got really big and he calmly goes, "More ice cream please." LOL so we bought ice cream :)

it is BITTERLY cold here still.

No phone call today. i did get an email though :) it was really super cool. i was retardedly excited for an email.

we have to go to WIC in the morning. we'll probably go to the playground while we're on post.

Deployment Day 12

wowzers what a day!! i got up barely before the kidlets and tried to work out but was having a REALLY hard time getting motivated. Once i finally got moving, Mia woke up. i pushed myself extra hard for a few minutes, then brought them up their milk and took a shower. We came downstairs and had breakfast and played around for a few minutes. I put Mia to bed, then got Tiff up and then got a call from Michael!! We actually didnt get to talk for long, though :( then it was off to the post office (by myself... Thank GOODNESS Tiff didn't have to work this morning and was able to stay with the kids). I had like 6 packages to mail to "secret sisters" and then Michael's tough box ( this ----> http://www.rubbermaid.com/rubbermaid/images/product/1191_sm.jpg it's huge and super duper akward to carry...especially in the ice and snow!)I had to go to Walmart before the post office and get a lock for the tough box. I lug all my packages into the post office and get all the little packages mailed. go to fill out the customs form for the tough box...crap. i forgot his address at home. called tiff and got that. Open up the lock and unlock it...go to put it on the box...it doesn't fit. Michael's laptop is in there, and i can't mail it without the lock. the post office closes in 15 minutes...UGHH! So i lug the huge heavy, odly shaped box back out to the car. go back to walmart-Wait...did i mention that the windchill at 6 am. this morning was NEGATIVE 14??????????? NEGATIVE. bitterly cold doesn't even begin to describe it. so back to walmart-pay $10 for another lock. spend 5 minutes in the car trying to figure out how to reset the combination, then go to post to try the post office there. I was smart enough to make SURE they were open before i lugged the box again. they were. so i grab the box and go back out into the bitter bitter cold with the akward thing. the walk from the car to the door is a much longer one here. I grab it and start shuffling to the door. i get about halfway there and think, "holy crap, my fingers are frozen and i'm going to drop this thing. I shuffle faster. i don't make it. i had to drop the box in the snow about 3/4 of the way to the door. i try to get the blood flow going back into my fingers for a second, and try to pick it back up...not happening. My fingers REFUSE to grip it. at about that time a very nice young man came to my rescue and carried it in for me!! i was so super duper greatful!! there was a LONG line there. i'm standing in like listening to people with tiny little boxes rack up a $20 bill...i'm thinking that it's going to cost me a minimum of $100 to get this stupid thing to afghanistan. the floor is covered in melted snow and sand...everytime i scoot up a place in line, i push the box across the floor making a sound VERY much like nails on a chalkboard. I finally get to have my turn :) I have the customs form all filled out, but no address actually on the box. so i fill out that form and my guy who's waiting on me dissapears for literally about 5 minutes. he comes back and finally gets my big ass box on the scale...i hold my breath. He had already told me something how b/c it's going to an APO that i only have to pay shipping to NY b/c we only have to ship it to the military post office (wait..i thought that's where i already was? oh well). so now i'm thinking...ok maybe just $75?? i tell him i need insurance..insurance cost me $16!! holy crap...i was REALLY scared to hear my total...are you ready for it????????????????????????????




$43!! whhoohoooo!! For that big ass box that was over 50 pounds!! just $43? I was thrilled and relieved to not only be DONE with that stupid box, but i didn't even have to sell my first born child to fund it!!

I went and bought me and tiffy lunch since i told her i would only be gone about 30 minutes and had now been gone close to 2 hours......I walked in and she had cleaned up and was feeding the kids lunch! Wahooo!! I scarfed down my sandwich (i was STARVING!) and got Sean put to bed. Played with Mia a little and then got her put to bed. this was when i had told myself i would finish my workout...yeah, not so much. about 20 minutes after i put Mia to bed, she was up...no afternoon nap for her today! Sean woke up maybe 30 mintues later screaming that he had to pee...LOL then we got them dressed and went to the playground (indoor) on post to play. they had tons of fun and are both so silly. Mia's so tiny. she goes through the entire tunnel playground by herself and goes down the slide feet first, but she's so little that she litterally just FLIES out and lands on her belly...not feet first or anything...kinda like getting shot out of a cannon..then she giggles, says Boom, and gets up and wants me to help her get back in the tunnel. LOL!!!

Deployment Day 11

whoops...once again, this was really written last night...pay no attention to the date ;)

Once again, not much to report today. I had the guy come this morning to shovel the drive. it took like 5 minutes and was well worth the $20 it cost me :) We stayed home again today. The little one had diarrhea all day...FUN! No phone call today. booooo.... i'm hoping he calls tomorrow. He requested that I mail him a bunch of stuff in his tough box, but i pretty much only remember him asking for his computer and his shower stuff. So i'm going to the post office this morning and mailing what i remember, but am hoping he calls tomorrow to remind me what else he wanted.

I'm doing...ok...with this deployment. still haven't totally found new coping mechanisms. i'm TRYING to use exercise...but really, i don't much like exercise. But i've been doing it every day anyway, and it DOES make me feel better.

i gotta go...mia has just leaked through her diaper...diarrhea, day two. JOY

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Ok...got that taken care of, and laundry started. Poor baby..i don't know what's wrong with her little tum. and i've given up not using their names here. oh well, i just can't do it. i use their names everywhere else on the web, so i don't know why i wouldn't use them here!

anyway-back to deployment day 11-
I watched a movie with Tiffany tonight. Meet Bill. it was good, but kinda weird. I've been having some issues with Tiffany latley (i really hope she doesn't read this :) LOL). She's hardly been home since Michael left, but when she is here, she helps NONE. none...with nothing. she knows how hard it is for me to ask for help. and it's not her job to help me, not her resposibility...but i thought she would jump in and offer sometimes. but no...and in fact, i've had to ask her to pick up after herself, twice. grrr...

such is life, though, right.

I'll be back with more "tomorrow" i guess!!

a little something to make you smile

i don't know how you can't grin while looking at newborns!! SUCH Expressions!!!!! it's positively joyful!!

http://justcutepics.blogspot.com/2009/01/babies-first-day-expressions.html

Deployment Day 10

wow...can't believe it's already been 10 days.

I FINALLY (hehehe) got a call today!! and he didn't sound like he wanted to Die!! He still sounded tired, but a little more up beat. We talked for awhile. I got to tell him about the stuff the kids have been getting into. it was really really nice to hear from him. I miss him like crazy.

There wasn't much going on today. we just hung out at home. I tried shoveling the drive way today. It had gotten out of control. I tried shoveling it before but it's REALLY hard to find time with both the crazy kiddos. i got about halfway done today, came inside, and looked up a person on craigslist to do it for me. I decided it's too much and this is one of the time times when the little bit of money would be WORTH it. so a guy is coming tomorrow morning at 7 :) Took a whole lot of stress off of me!!!!!

We're going to try and make it to the post office tomorrow, if there's not too much snow out.

Deployment Day 9

We actually stayed at home all day today. That means that i should have a wonderfully clean house, right?? Nope. LOL but the weather outside is frightful so we stayed in today. it started out snowing, then changed over to a mix of snow and ice, then now just back to snow...yum. and the little one decided not to nap today, so i didn't get to shovel the drive way. it's crazy out there!!

No phone call today. no email still... i keep waiting and hoping. I talked to him yesterday morning, so it's not like it's been that long, but what can i say, i'm neurotic. I spend all my time watching the clock and figuring out the time in afghanistan, then figuring out my chances of receiving a phone call in the next few minutes. Like now, it's currently 0731 in afghanistan. i have no idea what time he gets up, what he has to do in the morning, what time he goes to work. But i'm thinking, "Maybe he's eating breakfast....then he'll call me on his way to work." Does he get to go to breakfast? I have no clue.

i still haven't fully resolved all my insurance issues. i keep forgetting to call...and then when i remember to call, i just REALLY don't want to deal with it any more. it drives me crazy an di just want it done, but i don't want to have to do anything else. I'm not repsonsible for this bill, why am I having to take care of it?? i in no way, messed anything up, this is not money I owe to anyone...i feel like i'm working for free...actually, that i'm currently being charged $100 a month to do someone else's job! grr... it's annoying, but oh well, whatcha gonna do?

Since it was a snow day today, we actually had arts and crafts time. I generally hate arts and crafts time. It's messy and quickly gets out of control. but we did play doh today. I hate it when teh colors get mixed up...but i'm trying to let go. we started out with red and white...and ended up with pink, but that's ok. He was having a REALLY good time playing with it, and was actually really using his imagination and made a hot dog, all on his own, then made "cookies" and then took them to the stairs and put them in the "oven". He is talking SO much more. His speech switch has apparently been flipped. He's making more noises, using more than one sylabal at a time and is stringing Four or FIVE words at a timee!!! he's still not always very easy to understand, but has definatley improved LEAPS AND BOUNDS just all of a sudden :)

and i think i'll end this tonight on that note :)

Deployment Day 8

The hubs called this morning :) He sounded EXHAUSTED. he said he built 3 walls today. Why he's building walls, i have no clue. He said he'll be in a tent all year, he gets no building :( But he said that his FOB is a lot nicer than what he was expecting.

Me and the kids went back to play on post this morning. we were the only ones there, but it was fine. the kids had a blast. then we had to run to the commissary real quick. then home for lunch and then nap. The little one took a 3 hour nap! that was insane and i was kinda worried about her for a little while. Way not like her.

Some guy came today and installed a meter for our gas, so i guess it's only a matter of time before we're paying for our own utilities?

Other than that, it was a pretty normal day :) not much else to report today..

Deployment Day 7

I missed a call today...DOH! i've been SO obsessive with ALWAYS having my phone with me. I go to take a shower...i bring it in the bathroom, i go upstairs to put the kids to bed, i put in my pocket, i move from the kitchen to the living room, i bring my phone with me. So we were out and about this morning running errands adn stuff. i dind't want to leave it in my purse b/c i can't hear it in there, and I figured even if i did hear it, it was in the back seat. i figured i wouldn't be able to get it in time. SO i put it in the cupholder next to me. Then we went to McDonalds for lunch and to play a little. and i LEFT. IT. IN. THE. CAR. He left me 2 messages and he sounded so dissapointed and sad :( I feel SOOOOOOOO bad. Massive Fail.

other than that, it was just another day. we went to a short playdate on post at this indoor playground that was pretty neat. I think we'll go back tomorrow. then we had an appointment at WIC. I forgot all the stuff we needed and got NOTHING accomplished there. then we did McDonalds adn the kids had a blast. The little one LOVED playplace. she wanted to do it all by herself and did NOT want to leave. too funny. The big one had fun too. There were 2 parts of the playplace that he was too little to do by himself, but he did everything else on his own. That's NOT something he usually likes to do. He tends to be very reserved at those things...I'm not sure why. He was SUPER excited that he got a big Shrek toy in his Happy meal. LOL

OH and when we were leaving WIC i asked him if he was hungry and you know what my little genius told me?? "My tummy's growling" i have NO CLUE where he got that from. I never say it. Too Funny..

Deployment Day 6

(everyone just pretend I wrote this last night like I was supposed to )

deployment Day 6 was nothing much to write home about. we stayed at home. played, cleaned a little, not a whole lot. No phone call, no email, nothing to report :)

i figured out why i have such a hard time staying positive :) Here are my coping mechanisms-
#1) Withdraw completely. Don't talk to people, don't see people, don't leave..just withdraw- I can't exactly do this with the kids...they kinda need me to carry on and function on a daily basis-so that's out

#2)Shop-Shop like crazy. I get a little high everytime i buy something...i don't care what it is...a calendar, a toothbrush, a pair of shoes, a car...it feels GOOOOOOOOD. Ok...this is pretty much what I did last deployment-Pretty much every extra penny he earned went straight to Target...Not such a great idea actually. The hubs is working super hard to earn all that extra money and would like to have something to actually show for it when he gets back. He wants the two of us to take a super fantastic trip when he gets back. So this is what I try to focus on whenever I want to just get out of the house and go "walk around" a store or the mall.

#3)EAT-eat anything that stands still long enough. Once again-i'm trying super hard to lose weight so that I can look good when the Hubs gets back. so eating myself into oblivion is just NOT going to work...

that's it...those are the ways i cope. and I can't use any of them...so now what do i do??? this is what i'm trying to figure out...

Deployment Day 5

So my positive attitude...it's, well, not so positive. I am trying REALLY hard to pull myself up and carry on, but UGH. working 24/7 is exhausting. there's always something that i should be doing, and i'm almost NEVER doing it.

We went grocery shopping this morning. it's funny how much the kids LOVE leaving the house :) LOL they get so excited everytime we go "bye bye". they are so super cute. I think the little one is feeling a little under the weather today. she was SUPER SUPER clingy all day and had a couple of extra yucky diapers.

I've been on pins and needles waiting for another phone call or an email from the hubs. so far...nothing. I'm constantly figuring out what time it is in Afghanistan. right now? it's 0650. I have a running inner dialogue in my head trying to figure out what he's doing...is he working? did he just get off work? is he about to get off work? why hasn't he called again? he has a phone card. is he mad at me? i tried to wake up last time he called. it sucks. my head sucks. i hate my brain...LOL

I worked out a little this morning. then my cranky girl woke up...and i tried working out while she was up, but then she had her first yuck-o diaper, and i gave up :)

so- my goals for tomorrow-

wake up early and work out
clean up some more
Mop the floor
Diaper laundry

my goal for tonight is to go to bed early and get some good sleep. I NEED some good sleep. I was in bed pretty early last night but my sleep just keeps getting constantly interrupted. by me (and my aforementioned stupid brain), the big one needing to potty, the little one needing....lots of stuff...and then me not waking up for the phone call of the century. I'm hoping sleep will help my motivation and general disposition :)

Deployment Day 4

Yuck. That's how i'm describing today. It really shouldn't have been that bad of a day, b/c hubby called at like 3:50 this morning. I was barely awake and barely remember talking to him. but i remember enough that he kept asking me if anything else was new and i just kept saying, " no, not really" and trying to think of things to say, but my brain just wouldn't wake up.

Then i had to set my alarm so i could take a shower before the kids woke up, but I stayed up way too late again and combined with waking up with the older one, then waking up to talk to hubs, i'm working on very little broken sleep. But i was able to wake up in time to take a shower before the little one woke up. So that was good :) Then we all got up and had breakfast and got dressed. The kids were very excited to be going bye bye :) Tiffy and I talked all the way to Syracuse and she filled me in on all the details of her very exciting New Years Eve. Adult conversation is good :) What wasn't good was the anxiety I was having the entire way there...for no reason...just super bad, "my heart's about to jump out of my chest/there's an elephant sitting on my chest" kind of anxiety... grrr.... Then we got to Babies R Us and picked out a convertible crib...they didn't have it in stock, so we have to go back when they do get it in stock to pick it up. We already paid for it and everything. Tiffy got a call that she had to go to work later, so we weren't able to hit the mall. We drove home in the snow and the big one was BEGGING to put on his new snow boots and go play in the snow. But i needed to pay the rent first, so i unloaded the littles and left them with Tiffy for the 2 minutes that it takes to pay the rent. drove in the snow to go do that and get there and the office is closed. Grr...Oh well, get back home and walk through the door and all i can hear is , "SNOW BOOTS!" So i get them both dressed in ALL their gear and we go play outside. it was TOO cute. The little one looked ADORABLE in her snowsuit and the big one was just having too much fun. he even laid down and made snow angels with me :)

So then we get back inside and undressed and get drinks and snacks and I sit down on the computer to check email and what not. the house phone rings...very uncommon, but it might be the hubs so i answer. It's a collection agency for the hospital bill for my delivery of the little one. UGH...this SO should have been taken care of MONTHS ago and i've told the collection agency already that i'm disputing the claim. I DO NOT owe this $856. I don't have co-pays OR deductables. She tells me that after 45 days they report it to the credit reporting agencies...and they received my account in November. UGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I told Michael before he left that it was a simple fix and the doc's office was working on it and that i would check back in often... apparently not often enough. The doc's office lady has done nothing she's said she's done according to Tricare. So i end up making a payment to the collection agency...i SO don't want to do this, but i also SO don't want this on my credit report. then i talk to tricare and find out that i'm going to have to get reimburssed from the HOSPITAL and not Tricare...this for whatever reason pushes me over the edge and i start to cry to the tricare lady. she was very sweet, but there's really nothing she can do about it.

I just feel yuck today on top of everything. I feel fat and fugly. period.

So i've got the littles in bed and am going to drink a bottle of wine in my room and fall asleep before the first glass, i'm sure :) Tomorrow is a new day. I'm waking up early again, going to work out, and have a few errands to run. Tomorrow will be a better day. and hopefully if Michael calls again at 4 am, i'll be able to wake up and actually conduct my end of a conversation this time!

Deployment Day 3

He CALLED!! I just got to talk to him for the first time since he drove away :) He's in country but not at his final destination. He's in the cushy base right now...i wish he could stay there, but he can't! I'm just so happy to know that he's safe :)

he sounded tired and sad :( which made me sad, but i can't let myself get down. the kids need me to be stable and as sane as i can get ;) It really was so good to hear his voice that it made me unbelievably excited...adrenaline rushing, want to shout from the rooftops excited!

anyhow..my goals for the day

GET THE KITCHEN CLEAN (you'll notice that was a goal from yesterday...i did the living room, but i just keep avoiding the kitchen..i don't want to deal with it)
do laundry from start to finish (i'm really bad about never putting laundry away)
mop the floors
clean the bathrooms
work out and then shower...LOL is it bad that i have to put a shower on my to do list???

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Deployement Day 3- Night
So it was a long day. I'm tired and havent' been getting enough sleep. Not a smart move, and not totally my fault (thank you Mia). I've just vegged all day long b/c everytime I start doing things around here i start thinking and i don't like to think, so i'm just vegging. I'm forcing myself to get over it tomorrow and carry on. I need a break already and it's only been 3 days...LOL only 362 days left, right? LOL

so i didn't accomplish much today. the kitchen is slightly cleaner. I finished Mia's pants, but forgot to take pictures of them.

Tomorrow i think TIffy is taking us to Syracuse to get Mia's replacement crib (her's was recalled). I always feel better when I'm out and about. and having adult conversation all day tomorrow will be nice and HOPEFULLY Michael will call again tomorrow :) and Hopefully he won't sound so sad :( i know he's depressed and is going to be hating life for the next year, but i really really hope it's not too awful for him...