***just a warning...this is not going to be a very happy blog entry today. i am trying to be positive, but i can tell you already that it's not going to be positive entry. if you don't want to hear (read?) it than feel free to just skip this one :) ***
Do you ever just feel bad when you know that you really don't have a reason?? I know in my head that i should be on cloud 9, but i.am.not. period. I do NOT feel happy today.
let me back up.
Michael signed his papers this morning. He reenlisted for Fort Campbell. We'll be moving there in May 2010. THIS is EXCELLENT news. excellent. what we've been waiting for for like 5 years now. We've been talking for days and days about the possibility of buying a house in Clarksville. We want to stay there. we already know we like clarksville, and it's so close to home that we just want to stay there. Being homeowners is a HUGE dream of ours. something we have seriously dreamed about since we got married. but we knew it wasn't logical to buy a house when we were going to be moving so often. so we just let ourselves dream and accepted the fact that we wouldn't be homeowners until retirement. so we saw this awesome opportunity and have been so excited about it.
Well we decided yesterday that in order to get a really good down payment, i should just move back home and save all that rent money. we ran all the numbers and the possiblities and after we saw that it was really going to work, we got really excited. there were going ot be downsides to me moving home, but we decided that it was really going to be best.
so i emailed him this morning and said that i didn't realize how big of a thing we were asking my mom and dad until the words were coming out of my mouth, but that Mom had said it was ok. He called a few hours later and long story short(er), he no longer thinks that moving home is a really good idea. we got too excited and didn't think about the impact it was going to have on others.
I am disappointed and confused as to what will actually be best for us it's hard to just look past wants and desires and think 100% logically and look at situations from every angle. i was doing that the other day when we first started thinking about all this. I was very careful to not get my hopes up and to try and be skeptical and think it all the way through. and now i'm slightly crushed b/c i did so much thinking and research and planning and allowed myself to get excited and this is really really really something that i want. and now it just might not happen.
add to this, Tiffany is leaving in just a few hours. i feel super lonely. I had gotten excited about moving back home nad having friends and family and i feel like that's been taken away from me (i know, dramatic much??) and now the only friend i have here is also being taken from me :(
and also we had a REALLY REALLY crappy connection this morning so our calls kept getting dropped, which makes it really hard to carry on a conversation. it was INCREDIBLY frustrating. we eventually just gave up. so now i've been thinking about all these possible scenarios all day and i don't even know when i'm going to get to talk to michael again.
and b/c of all of this, i was in a grumpy mood, which means the kids were in a grumpy mood, which just creates a vicious circle. LOL
so i know this is all not that serious and i should be really excited that we'll be back in TN in 15 months time. that should be my focus, and it will be...tomorrow :) but for now i'm allowing myself to be upset. just for today. tomorrow the sun will rise on a new day and a new perspective and i'll be able to focus on the positive. but for now, i sulk ;) LOL