Deployment Day 33

i'm pretty sure it's 33....things have been a whilwind since we got here. My dad is back in the hospital. i've only gotten to talk to michael the day we got in...sean is whiny and tired and off schedule and mad that he came to see his papa and now papa isn't here. he wants to stay with aiden and owen all the time but can't because they have stuff of their own to do. not to complain b/c i'm so happy im here, especially since my dad went back in the hospital. i HATED not being here last time. and i hate that he's in there again, but am so glad i don't have to worry from afar and feel eternally out of the loop. as soon as visiting hours start back up, i'm heading up there. Sarah's coming over to sit with the kids. i love having family here! now if we could just get everyone home and healthy, things would be good. hopefully we'll know more tomorrow or monday on dad... i don't really have the time or energy to post details right now. but he's doing good and should be able to come home monday....I REALLY wish michael would call me again. he called when dad went in the hospital but i was in his room and we can't have our cell phones on in there... i would LOVE to hear his voice right now :(

Deployment Day 29

TO-MORROW TOMORROW, I LOVE YA, TO-MORROW!

We'll be in TN this time tomorrow!! We'll be leaving EARLY in the morning! I can't can't can't wait!! Me and the kids (especially Sean) really REALLY need this break. I have no patience for Sean these days, and he's just acting out for attention. We really need this :) it will be so good for all of us :) we're (almost) all packed. I have some diapers in the dryer that need to be packed, i'm going to run to the gas station and fill up and get some cash.

i love my sister in law. i'm so friggen excited, i don't even know what else to say!

Deployment Day 28

Monday Monday...

Me and the kids braved the snow storm this mroning to go to walmart :) LOL there was SOOOOOO much snow. Sean was FREAKING out when i was getting him in his carseat b/c "THERE'S SNOW ON MY CARSEAT! THERE'S SNOW ON MY PANTS!! THERE'S SNOW ON MY SHOE!!!" LOL...i was like, If you would get in and sit down, i could try and get rid of the snow!! LOL We got stuff to put in a box for michael, but there was just TOO much snow to go to the post office. it's down a small little road. so we'll TRY tomorrow...but i'm not sure the weather's going to be a lot better :) and then we leave WEDNESDAY :) yay! i'm so excited.

i got an email today. I'm not sure what he's up to, but he told me yesterday that he wouldn't be able to call for a few days. so i was happy to get the email. but it REALLY really made me miss him. really really miss him. like, i don't want to think about it because it'll make me cry i miss him so much. I sent him some pictures of the kids yesterday and the last one was a picture of Sean sleeping cuddling his Daddy doll. he really liked it. he said it was way too cute :) Sean goes to bed every night with his Dadddy. He tells me, "put it here" and points to his little arm :) it's adorable.

Deployment Day 27

I suck. That's pretty much it... I suck as a mommy (today at least) and i suck as a wife. I have been SO short with sean and he has been pushing every button I have....he's whiny, fussy, dramatic, annoying, and is just driving me crazy. and I told Michael all about it when he called today. He got all worried that Sean was going to turn into some mega brat. I could tell by his voice that he was really concerned with Sean's behavior. I felt really bad and tried to ease his mind and reassure him that it was just a combo of sickness, tiredness, we haven't gotten to go anywhere except for the commissary all week, we can't go out to play, we haven't gotten to go to the playground because they've been sick... we're just all ready to get out of the house and blow off some steam :) but to be safe, i'm going to take sean to the doctor in the morning...assumining we can get out of the house. we got a ton of snow last night, and i think we're supposed to get more tomorrow.....

3 days...3days.....3 days....i feel like dropping them off with mom and dad, and not seeing them again until we come back here!!!!! LOL

Deployment Day 26

goodness. I can't believe it's been almost a month already! i hope the next year goes quickly.

No phone call today. I did however, get another afghanistan text :) he apologized for not getting to call and said he loves and misses me :)

Me and the kids just went to the commissary this morning for some groceries. that's always a fun experience :) shopping with both kids :) they were good though, seriously. they have the shopping carts with the race car on top. Sean has to pick out the red one everytime :) and today they had a red one, so all was good!

that was just about it for today though. just groceries, car wash (yes...here. our orange car was WHITE from the salt!!) , lunch, naps, and then the rest of the day. just the norm :) not a whole lot to report... i'm exhausted and very ready for TN. just a few more days........

Deployment Day 25

It was yet another day of being sick. I woke up feeling pretty darn yuck this morning, but still not as bad as the kids. The kids, however seem to be getting better. still sick, but healing...

Michael called this morning. he told me that i sounded like crap :) that's something you always love to hear :) but he sounded really good. just working. they keep changing his computer so he keeps losing all his work. He's written this same SOP like 3 times now :) poor guy

all in all, it wasn't an awful day :) my shopping addiction continues to spiral out of control. i've decided that i'm going to have to just give myself an allowance and once it's gone it's gone. I keep finding things i "NEED" b/c of our trip home. yeah...that's what it is. a "NEED". I NEED more clothes b/c i have 2 pairs of jeans...one's too big and has a hole in them, and the other's too smal.... i have no nice shirts that have no stains or holes in them. are these the things i'm buying??? NO!! i can't help myself. i have been paying off bills first...so that's good. Michael was talking about how great our trip is going to be. and it is. I can't even fathom what 2 weeks traveling through Europe with JUST Michael will be like. We are going to have SO much fun.

Deployment Day 24

i know i didn't post this last night. Mia ended up taking a late nap yesterday and was up until 9:15 last night, and then i was trying to watch Grey's....the kids didn't make that easy though!!

but there wasn't a whole lot to report anyway! Michael called which is always super awesome and exciting. but he didn't have a whole lot to talk about. He's "moving" next week...from one tent to another. they decided to put all the NCO's together and all the enlisted together. he was kinda happy about that b/c even though the guys he's living with are pretty respectful, he said he just feels like they're SO young, even though they're not that much younger than him. then i reminded him that he was probably close to 10 years older than some of them...he loves it when i make him feel old :) LOL

The children have officially infected me. I have their cold, but still not as bad as they had it, Thank GOODNESS!!

(Mia is currently pulling her riding toy around the house. Not riding on it...just walking aorund, dragging it behind her...LOL...she's so silly)

My dad had a 3 hour stress test yesterday. We don't have any results, he has to go back thursday for results, but we're assuming everything's ok, since they let him go home? lol..he didn't even see the doctor yesterday, so if soemthing were wrong, i guess the radiologist would have gone to get the doctor. so we're going with "no news is good news" for right now :)

Deployment Day 23

Still sick. Sean is miserable...totally miserable. and he's making me miserable. Mia seems to be doing better. not as stuffy and no fever in a few days now. I'm already debating over taking sean back to the doctor tomorrow.

Michael called this morning. No news to report. We were just chatting and I said something about about Tiffany and something that she had done...and he blew up. not at me but at her. He called her at work and went off on her and she just happened to be in the office with literally her ENTIRE chain of command. Long story (that i really don't want to give details to) short-she got in trouble at work and now has ot move to the barracks until she leaves for deployment :( it totally really really sucks and i just feel like i totally stuck my foot right in my mouth. She loves me and isn't mad at me and doens't think it's my fault at all...if Michael would have just not blown up at that moment, it would have been fine. but whateves.

Mia's crib came today! The brought it all the way up to her room too :) I was so relieved! i was really wondering how in the world i was going to get it upstairs by myself. I made the kids stay upstairs with me while i put it up and Sean just about lost him mind, but we got it all put together! Mia LOVES it. she was begging to get in it. I let her play in it for a few minutes. Then at bed time tonight, I was asking for my bedtime hug and she was saying "in" and trying to reach her legs in the crib. silly baby. it's a pretty big crib. It converts all the way to a full size bed. I really think it's pretty though :)

That's it :) i'm off to catch of Housewives of O.C. and sleep!!

Deployment Day 22

UGH...THIS is the type of day that makes me seriously HATE deployments. Both kids are super sick. really really sick...full of snot, sneezing, coughing, the whole thing. I took Mia to the doctor today. She has a double ear infection. fun fun fun. Sean just started getting sick yesterday, so i feel sure we'll be back at the doctor's thursday or Friday. Sean's way sicker than Mia was. His eyes literally didnt' stop running all day long. He looked like he was crying all day today. He fell asleep on the 5 minute ride home from the doctor-WAY not like sean. He isn't sleeping at all otherwise. i'm really really hoping he gets over this soon. I'm exhausted and would really really like a good nights sleep.

So michael didn't call today. i called time warner to get the international calling plan so that i could call his cell phone. yeah...it doesn't cover calls to cell phones. DOH! sucks. and from what i've found there isn't a company that DOES cover calls to cell phones. it was just a day of wonderful news :)

so that was pretty much our day. Got up and went to the doctor. Came home...no naps, hung out, and then an early bedtime. Sean's already awake again and having major problems sleeping. poor baby...

7 days until we leave for TN and I absolutley can't feaking wait. I'm definitely going to need it after this week!! :)

Deployment Day 21

THREE WEEKS DOWN! WHOOHOOO!

my battery's about to die, so this will be short. but He called today! He bought a cell phone. so weird...LOL but now i' can get unlimited international calling and we can talk a lot more :) and he sent me a text today :) I've never received a text from afghanistan before :) He got to hear Sean say I love you. not a horrible conversation :)

Now I have 2 sicky babies, btw. Sean is NOT wanting to sleep right now...b/c his nose is very slightly runny...Mia is stopped up so bad, her nose is running like a faucet, her eyes are running, and she's sound asleep...lol. He's a little drama king... :) so we're off to the doctor in the morning to make sure no one has an ear infection. Prayers that we're all well by the time we get on the plane are MUCH appreciated!!

Deployment Day 20

We FINALLY made it Syracuse...we went to babies r us first b/c we wanted to make sure we got the crib before we went to the mall, in case we lost track of time....we went in, gave them our receipt and they went to grab the crib for us....long story short. the crib didn't even come CLOSE to fitting in tiffy's truck. Thank goodness this took 2 trips to Syracuse to figure out. (please note the sarcasm). Shipping to watertown was $140...Fort Drum was $155. the guy was so nice and was able to work us a deal and only charged me $100. but still....it's $100 for a crib that i already had... grr. but now Mia will have a new (BEAUTIFUL) crib that converts all the way to a full size bed :)

then we hit the mall. Carousel Mall is a HUGE mall. I'd never been there before. It.was.NICE. we stayed there all day and didn't even see all of it :) Sean got new sunglasses and Mia got a new shirt. Mommy got a haircut :) i lurves it...lol! I think the kids had a good time. mia's still pretty pitiful, but she's doing good. she slept in the Mei Tai for a while right after we got to the mall and sean got to use the super cool (and expensive) race car strollers, so he was a happy camper. and i not only got a hair cut, but got to go out for breakfast, got to spend the day with Tiff, and got to go shopping :)

on the deployment front, STILL nothing. No phone call, no email. I'm TRYING not to worry. trying to convince myself that he's just been working crazy hours and that last time i went 2 months without hearing from him, but it SO doesn't make me feel better. It's only been 3 days. just 3 days. It means nothing, but still, i can't figure out why he hasn't called or emailed. so here's hoping for some communication tomorrow :)

i'm exhausted, though, so i'm done. I gotta go to bed... nighty night!

deployment day 19

More sickies today...but today is more like a cold. Just some stuffies, some runnies, and of course the whiney-s/clingies. but all around, she was pretty ok :)

We officially got snowed in today. Lake effect snow is LOTS of snow and is INCREDIBLY fluffy. big huge fat snow flakes. There was a "no unnecessary travel advisory" so the guy that plows my drive couldn't get out to come do it. and it was snowing like crazy, so i knew there was no point in me even attempting to shovel it myself b/c i can only do a few minutes at atime before i have to come inside to check on someone, even if it's just sean up. so we stayed inside. Tiffany came home from work and got 2 soldiers to shovel it for free for us, in exchange for a ride to walmart :) but the amount of snow we currently have is just insane...and i'm pretty sure it's going to snow again tomorrow. but we're going to syracuse.....i REALLY hope we can make it to syracuse... i NEED some time out of this house!!

No phone call today, again. boo, again. there was a suicide bomber in Kabul today. even though it wasn't near Michael, it still is just scary to hear those things. and for a second, i tend to forget that he's not infantry and I DO know where he is this time. Last time I would hear things and just have to pray that he wasn't there b/c they were constantly on the move, and i could never be 100% sure where they were. but this time he's staying on the FOB and is much safer.

I got the kids both these really super cute "Daddy Dolls" ( from here : http://hyenacart.com/prod_details.php?id=49342&vid=2699 ) and the kids love them. Sean was immediatley attatched to his. Mia can take it or leave it...LOL. But sean sleeps with his every night and loves "his Daddy". they are tooooooooo cute. I'm going to take their pics with them, and then i'll figure out how to put a picture in here ;) soon...i promise!

seeing if I can put picture in here that aren't ridiculously big ;)
-Tiffany in a hole she dug in the snow-my sicky girl talking on the remote :) LOL

Deployment Day 18

My poor baby girl is sick :( It's been a long day with her...poor thing. She woke up this monring and was whining and wouldn't let me put her down again...She was horribly constipated..i have NO idea why. She hasn't eaten anything different...


*******WARNING FOR ANY NON MOMMIES-THIS WILL BE TMI. YOU MIGHT WANT TO SKIP THE NEXT PARAGRAPH! Mommies know how it is...lol

She was trying to poop and was just crying and crying. She asked me to change her diaper and she was mid-poop. i had her laying on the floor and was trying to push her knees into her chest and she was SCREAMING and looking at me like, "why are you hurting me like this???????" Then she was literally mid poop but wouldn't /couldn't get it out, so i put her on the toilet and she eventually was able to get enough of it out that I could put her in the tub, with my help (YUCK!).....but she wouldn't sit down, and screamed blood murder when I layed her down, holding her up, of course. after the bath, she seemed to be doing better. She was still stuck to my hip, but only wanted to lay on my shoulder. she still had to poop. i tried to get her to drink some juice, and walk, and eventually had to just put her down and make her walk with me...she pooped some more finally, and it hurt her :( the poor thing was just miserable

(poop talk is over :) ) Mia had a fever yesterday and woke up with it still last night, but it must have broken this morning, and she THANKFULLY didn't run one at all today. But you can just look at her and tell she doesn't feel good. And to top it off today, she went from being constipated to the complete opposite. I don't know what is up with her pooor tum. Tiff went and got her some pedialyte, but she wouldn't drink it. They only get seriously watered down juice and now neither of them like regular juice..LOL. apparently that also applies to Pedialyte.

On the deployment front-no news today. michael didn't call or email. so there's nothing to report, i guess. I got nothing accomplished today, mostly b/c of Mia. I did not exercise, or keep track of what I ate. we're on it tomorrow though :) We were supposed to get all this snow today..i dont' think it even snowed at all...LOL. I think we are actually making it to Syracuse tomorrow. We were supposed to go today, but i just couldn't make Mia go anywhere. She was just SO pitiful.

Oh I spoke to Tricare again today and they said that the referal was FINALLY fixed! So i have to call back tuesday to make sure everyone's on the same page, and then i just have to figure out how to get the money back to me! :) lol but it's finally on it's way to being OVER. it still pisses me off that i'm having to do all this work for something that was 100% not my fault.

poo...mia just woke up crying...

Deployment day 17

I mopped the floor! that's right ladies and gentlemen...i haven't mopped the floor since Michael left. Not b/c i didn't have time or a mop...just b/c anything that involves me getting up and performing actual tasks i've been avoiding like the plague. b/c when i'm not 100% zoned out in my imaginary online lalaland, i have to think, and thinking sucks. But today, i'm getting over myself, and I cleaned. I forced a workout. I mopped the floor, and God smiled, b/c right as i sat down (at the computer, of course) after mopping the floor, the phone rang! Michael got to call and we got to talk for a long time! He sounded good, and it was 1 in the morning there! and he sounded normal and like Michael. It made me feel so good. We talked about what he's doing and his day and my day and going home at the end of the month and his work and the kids. it was SOOOOOOOOOO nice to hear from him! I feel about a million times better than i did this morning :) Deployment Day 17 is good. I'm not letting myself wallow in pity and just shut down and ignore everything. I'm doing something about it. i'm bettering myself and my kids :) Life isn't perfect, but life is good.

Deployment Day 16

Mia got up at 0530 this morning. I have no idea why...she was just up and crying...just way not happy. My poor girl. I just don't know what's wrong with her :( So we got out of my bed around 6 and came down stairs..i was still not allowed to put her down. We got milk and cereal and eventually she climbed down out of my lap. ugh...b/c of the super early wake up and all the crying, i was having a super anxious morning. I was super short with sean. i was trying really super hard to enjoy playing with him, and the phone rang...no it wasn't Michael. it was helen, my sister in law! long story short-she bought me and sean both plane tickets home!! We leave in 2 weeks! i still can't believe it. i have some stuff to plan out now :)

we had lunch, then i put the kids down for a nap. then, even though it was literally the LAST thing i wanted to...i halfheartedly worked out :) i'm pretty proud of my self.

once again, i'm watching a movie, so i'm gonna end this rambling since i'm not really paying any attention to what i'm saying anyway!

Deployment day 15

He called this morning :) didn't have a lot to report but it's always WONDERFUL to talk to him. I miss him so so so much. it was a relatively good day, but i think i really need a break. I started getting really short with Sean this afternoon for no reason. i just want like 5 minutes alone...ugh

Micahel got to hear Sean talk a little this morning. he's making such progress :) Mia can now point to at least 5 different body parts! They're growing SO fast!! it's really amazing. It makes me sad to just think about how incredibly different they're going to be by the time Michael gets home. Totally different kids :(

i'm watching a movie, so this is going to be short tonight

deployment day 14

two weeks down!! Only 50 left to go!!! whooooooooooooohoooooooooooo!!! lol..no call again today. boooo. we went to wic this morning and my skinny butt girl STILL hasn't gained a full pound. she was 17lbs 1/2 oz. lol...and that was with a disposable and her dress on. but the kids were good while we ere there, then we went to play for a while, then went to walmart and got some yummy delicious foods :)

i did excellent with my "diet" today. instead of mindless snacking, i started drinking water. I ate healthy and didn't feel deprived or hungry all day. I worked out good today. It really makes me feel good that i'm taking care of myself and it's helping everything else fall into place :) i think i've found my coping mechanism :) LOL

Deployment Day 13

Practically nothing to report today...i was withdrawn. No reason...just super tired. we went to walmart this morning b/c i needed creamer and ink, but they didn't have the ink. booooooo. When we were there, we went down the ice cream aisle, b/c it's also the frozen waffle aisle. Sean saw all the ice cream and he stopped in his tracks and his eyes got really big and he calmly goes, "More ice cream please." LOL so we bought ice cream :)

it is BITTERLY cold here still.

No phone call today. i did get an email though :) it was really super cool. i was retardedly excited for an email.

we have to go to WIC in the morning. we'll probably go to the playground while we're on post.

Deployment Day 12

wowzers what a day!! i got up barely before the kidlets and tried to work out but was having a REALLY hard time getting motivated. Once i finally got moving, Mia woke up. i pushed myself extra hard for a few minutes, then brought them up their milk and took a shower. We came downstairs and had breakfast and played around for a few minutes. I put Mia to bed, then got Tiff up and then got a call from Michael!! We actually didnt get to talk for long, though :( then it was off to the post office (by myself... Thank GOODNESS Tiff didn't have to work this morning and was able to stay with the kids). I had like 6 packages to mail to "secret sisters" and then Michael's tough box ( this ----> http://www.rubbermaid.com/rubbermaid/images/product/1191_sm.jpg it's huge and super duper akward to carry...especially in the ice and snow!)I had to go to Walmart before the post office and get a lock for the tough box. I lug all my packages into the post office and get all the little packages mailed. go to fill out the customs form for the tough box...crap. i forgot his address at home. called tiff and got that. Open up the lock and unlock it...go to put it on the box...it doesn't fit. Michael's laptop is in there, and i can't mail it without the lock. the post office closes in 15 minutes...UGHH! So i lug the huge heavy, odly shaped box back out to the car. go back to walmart-Wait...did i mention that the windchill at 6 am. this morning was NEGATIVE 14??????????? NEGATIVE. bitterly cold doesn't even begin to describe it. so back to walmart-pay $10 for another lock. spend 5 minutes in the car trying to figure out how to reset the combination, then go to post to try the post office there. I was smart enough to make SURE they were open before i lugged the box again. they were. so i grab the box and go back out into the bitter bitter cold with the akward thing. the walk from the car to the door is a much longer one here. I grab it and start shuffling to the door. i get about halfway there and think, "holy crap, my fingers are frozen and i'm going to drop this thing. I shuffle faster. i don't make it. i had to drop the box in the snow about 3/4 of the way to the door. i try to get the blood flow going back into my fingers for a second, and try to pick it back up...not happening. My fingers REFUSE to grip it. at about that time a very nice young man came to my rescue and carried it in for me!! i was so super duper greatful!! there was a LONG line there. i'm standing in like listening to people with tiny little boxes rack up a $20 bill...i'm thinking that it's going to cost me a minimum of $100 to get this stupid thing to afghanistan. the floor is covered in melted snow and sand...everytime i scoot up a place in line, i push the box across the floor making a sound VERY much like nails on a chalkboard. I finally get to have my turn :) I have the customs form all filled out, but no address actually on the box. so i fill out that form and my guy who's waiting on me dissapears for literally about 5 minutes. he comes back and finally gets my big ass box on the scale...i hold my breath. He had already told me something how b/c it's going to an APO that i only have to pay shipping to NY b/c we only have to ship it to the military post office (wait..i thought that's where i already was? oh well). so now i'm thinking...ok maybe just $75?? i tell him i need insurance..insurance cost me $16!! holy crap...i was REALLY scared to hear my total...are you ready for it????????????????????????????




$43!! whhoohoooo!! For that big ass box that was over 50 pounds!! just $43? I was thrilled and relieved to not only be DONE with that stupid box, but i didn't even have to sell my first born child to fund it!!

I went and bought me and tiffy lunch since i told her i would only be gone about 30 minutes and had now been gone close to 2 hours......I walked in and she had cleaned up and was feeding the kids lunch! Wahooo!! I scarfed down my sandwich (i was STARVING!) and got Sean put to bed. Played with Mia a little and then got her put to bed. this was when i had told myself i would finish my workout...yeah, not so much. about 20 minutes after i put Mia to bed, she was up...no afternoon nap for her today! Sean woke up maybe 30 mintues later screaming that he had to pee...LOL then we got them dressed and went to the playground (indoor) on post to play. they had tons of fun and are both so silly. Mia's so tiny. she goes through the entire tunnel playground by herself and goes down the slide feet first, but she's so little that she litterally just FLIES out and lands on her belly...not feet first or anything...kinda like getting shot out of a cannon..then she giggles, says Boom, and gets up and wants me to help her get back in the tunnel. LOL!!!

Deployment Day 11

whoops...once again, this was really written last night...pay no attention to the date ;)

Once again, not much to report today. I had the guy come this morning to shovel the drive. it took like 5 minutes and was well worth the $20 it cost me :) We stayed home again today. The little one had diarrhea all day...FUN! No phone call today. booooo.... i'm hoping he calls tomorrow. He requested that I mail him a bunch of stuff in his tough box, but i pretty much only remember him asking for his computer and his shower stuff. So i'm going to the post office this morning and mailing what i remember, but am hoping he calls tomorrow to remind me what else he wanted.

I'm doing...ok...with this deployment. still haven't totally found new coping mechanisms. i'm TRYING to use exercise...but really, i don't much like exercise. But i've been doing it every day anyway, and it DOES make me feel better.

i gotta go...mia has just leaked through her diaper...diarrhea, day two. JOY

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Ok...got that taken care of, and laundry started. Poor baby..i don't know what's wrong with her little tum. and i've given up not using their names here. oh well, i just can't do it. i use their names everywhere else on the web, so i don't know why i wouldn't use them here!

anyway-back to deployment day 11-
I watched a movie with Tiffany tonight. Meet Bill. it was good, but kinda weird. I've been having some issues with Tiffany latley (i really hope she doesn't read this :) LOL). She's hardly been home since Michael left, but when she is here, she helps NONE. none...with nothing. she knows how hard it is for me to ask for help. and it's not her job to help me, not her resposibility...but i thought she would jump in and offer sometimes. but no...and in fact, i've had to ask her to pick up after herself, twice. grrr...

such is life, though, right.

I'll be back with more "tomorrow" i guess!!

a little something to make you smile

i don't know how you can't grin while looking at newborns!! SUCH Expressions!!!!! it's positively joyful!!

http://justcutepics.blogspot.com/2009/01/babies-first-day-expressions.html

Deployment Day 10

wow...can't believe it's already been 10 days.

I FINALLY (hehehe) got a call today!! and he didn't sound like he wanted to Die!! He still sounded tired, but a little more up beat. We talked for awhile. I got to tell him about the stuff the kids have been getting into. it was really really nice to hear from him. I miss him like crazy.

There wasn't much going on today. we just hung out at home. I tried shoveling the drive way today. It had gotten out of control. I tried shoveling it before but it's REALLY hard to find time with both the crazy kiddos. i got about halfway done today, came inside, and looked up a person on craigslist to do it for me. I decided it's too much and this is one of the time times when the little bit of money would be WORTH it. so a guy is coming tomorrow morning at 7 :) Took a whole lot of stress off of me!!!!!

We're going to try and make it to the post office tomorrow, if there's not too much snow out.

Deployment Day 9

We actually stayed at home all day today. That means that i should have a wonderfully clean house, right?? Nope. LOL but the weather outside is frightful so we stayed in today. it started out snowing, then changed over to a mix of snow and ice, then now just back to snow...yum. and the little one decided not to nap today, so i didn't get to shovel the drive way. it's crazy out there!!

No phone call today. no email still... i keep waiting and hoping. I talked to him yesterday morning, so it's not like it's been that long, but what can i say, i'm neurotic. I spend all my time watching the clock and figuring out the time in afghanistan, then figuring out my chances of receiving a phone call in the next few minutes. Like now, it's currently 0731 in afghanistan. i have no idea what time he gets up, what he has to do in the morning, what time he goes to work. But i'm thinking, "Maybe he's eating breakfast....then he'll call me on his way to work." Does he get to go to breakfast? I have no clue.

i still haven't fully resolved all my insurance issues. i keep forgetting to call...and then when i remember to call, i just REALLY don't want to deal with it any more. it drives me crazy an di just want it done, but i don't want to have to do anything else. I'm not repsonsible for this bill, why am I having to take care of it?? i in no way, messed anything up, this is not money I owe to anyone...i feel like i'm working for free...actually, that i'm currently being charged $100 a month to do someone else's job! grr... it's annoying, but oh well, whatcha gonna do?

Since it was a snow day today, we actually had arts and crafts time. I generally hate arts and crafts time. It's messy and quickly gets out of control. but we did play doh today. I hate it when teh colors get mixed up...but i'm trying to let go. we started out with red and white...and ended up with pink, but that's ok. He was having a REALLY good time playing with it, and was actually really using his imagination and made a hot dog, all on his own, then made "cookies" and then took them to the stairs and put them in the "oven". He is talking SO much more. His speech switch has apparently been flipped. He's making more noises, using more than one sylabal at a time and is stringing Four or FIVE words at a timee!!! he's still not always very easy to understand, but has definatley improved LEAPS AND BOUNDS just all of a sudden :)

and i think i'll end this tonight on that note :)

Deployment Day 8

The hubs called this morning :) He sounded EXHAUSTED. he said he built 3 walls today. Why he's building walls, i have no clue. He said he'll be in a tent all year, he gets no building :( But he said that his FOB is a lot nicer than what he was expecting.

Me and the kids went back to play on post this morning. we were the only ones there, but it was fine. the kids had a blast. then we had to run to the commissary real quick. then home for lunch and then nap. The little one took a 3 hour nap! that was insane and i was kinda worried about her for a little while. Way not like her.

Some guy came today and installed a meter for our gas, so i guess it's only a matter of time before we're paying for our own utilities?

Other than that, it was a pretty normal day :) not much else to report today..

Deployment Day 7

I missed a call today...DOH! i've been SO obsessive with ALWAYS having my phone with me. I go to take a shower...i bring it in the bathroom, i go upstairs to put the kids to bed, i put in my pocket, i move from the kitchen to the living room, i bring my phone with me. So we were out and about this morning running errands adn stuff. i dind't want to leave it in my purse b/c i can't hear it in there, and I figured even if i did hear it, it was in the back seat. i figured i wouldn't be able to get it in time. SO i put it in the cupholder next to me. Then we went to McDonalds for lunch and to play a little. and i LEFT. IT. IN. THE. CAR. He left me 2 messages and he sounded so dissapointed and sad :( I feel SOOOOOOOO bad. Massive Fail.

other than that, it was just another day. we went to a short playdate on post at this indoor playground that was pretty neat. I think we'll go back tomorrow. then we had an appointment at WIC. I forgot all the stuff we needed and got NOTHING accomplished there. then we did McDonalds adn the kids had a blast. The little one LOVED playplace. she wanted to do it all by herself and did NOT want to leave. too funny. The big one had fun too. There were 2 parts of the playplace that he was too little to do by himself, but he did everything else on his own. That's NOT something he usually likes to do. He tends to be very reserved at those things...I'm not sure why. He was SUPER excited that he got a big Shrek toy in his Happy meal. LOL

OH and when we were leaving WIC i asked him if he was hungry and you know what my little genius told me?? "My tummy's growling" i have NO CLUE where he got that from. I never say it. Too Funny..

Deployment Day 6

(everyone just pretend I wrote this last night like I was supposed to )

deployment Day 6 was nothing much to write home about. we stayed at home. played, cleaned a little, not a whole lot. No phone call, no email, nothing to report :)

i figured out why i have such a hard time staying positive :) Here are my coping mechanisms-
#1) Withdraw completely. Don't talk to people, don't see people, don't leave..just withdraw- I can't exactly do this with the kids...they kinda need me to carry on and function on a daily basis-so that's out

#2)Shop-Shop like crazy. I get a little high everytime i buy something...i don't care what it is...a calendar, a toothbrush, a pair of shoes, a car...it feels GOOOOOOOOD. Ok...this is pretty much what I did last deployment-Pretty much every extra penny he earned went straight to Target...Not such a great idea actually. The hubs is working super hard to earn all that extra money and would like to have something to actually show for it when he gets back. He wants the two of us to take a super fantastic trip when he gets back. So this is what I try to focus on whenever I want to just get out of the house and go "walk around" a store or the mall.

#3)EAT-eat anything that stands still long enough. Once again-i'm trying super hard to lose weight so that I can look good when the Hubs gets back. so eating myself into oblivion is just NOT going to work...

that's it...those are the ways i cope. and I can't use any of them...so now what do i do??? this is what i'm trying to figure out...

Deployment Day 5

So my positive attitude...it's, well, not so positive. I am trying REALLY hard to pull myself up and carry on, but UGH. working 24/7 is exhausting. there's always something that i should be doing, and i'm almost NEVER doing it.

We went grocery shopping this morning. it's funny how much the kids LOVE leaving the house :) LOL they get so excited everytime we go "bye bye". they are so super cute. I think the little one is feeling a little under the weather today. she was SUPER SUPER clingy all day and had a couple of extra yucky diapers.

I've been on pins and needles waiting for another phone call or an email from the hubs. so far...nothing. I'm constantly figuring out what time it is in Afghanistan. right now? it's 0650. I have a running inner dialogue in my head trying to figure out what he's doing...is he working? did he just get off work? is he about to get off work? why hasn't he called again? he has a phone card. is he mad at me? i tried to wake up last time he called. it sucks. my head sucks. i hate my brain...LOL

I worked out a little this morning. then my cranky girl woke up...and i tried working out while she was up, but then she had her first yuck-o diaper, and i gave up :)

so- my goals for tomorrow-

wake up early and work out
clean up some more
Mop the floor
Diaper laundry

my goal for tonight is to go to bed early and get some good sleep. I NEED some good sleep. I was in bed pretty early last night but my sleep just keeps getting constantly interrupted. by me (and my aforementioned stupid brain), the big one needing to potty, the little one needing....lots of stuff...and then me not waking up for the phone call of the century. I'm hoping sleep will help my motivation and general disposition :)

Deployment Day 4

Yuck. That's how i'm describing today. It really shouldn't have been that bad of a day, b/c hubby called at like 3:50 this morning. I was barely awake and barely remember talking to him. but i remember enough that he kept asking me if anything else was new and i just kept saying, " no, not really" and trying to think of things to say, but my brain just wouldn't wake up.

Then i had to set my alarm so i could take a shower before the kids woke up, but I stayed up way too late again and combined with waking up with the older one, then waking up to talk to hubs, i'm working on very little broken sleep. But i was able to wake up in time to take a shower before the little one woke up. So that was good :) Then we all got up and had breakfast and got dressed. The kids were very excited to be going bye bye :) Tiffy and I talked all the way to Syracuse and she filled me in on all the details of her very exciting New Years Eve. Adult conversation is good :) What wasn't good was the anxiety I was having the entire way there...for no reason...just super bad, "my heart's about to jump out of my chest/there's an elephant sitting on my chest" kind of anxiety... grrr.... Then we got to Babies R Us and picked out a convertible crib...they didn't have it in stock, so we have to go back when they do get it in stock to pick it up. We already paid for it and everything. Tiffy got a call that she had to go to work later, so we weren't able to hit the mall. We drove home in the snow and the big one was BEGGING to put on his new snow boots and go play in the snow. But i needed to pay the rent first, so i unloaded the littles and left them with Tiffy for the 2 minutes that it takes to pay the rent. drove in the snow to go do that and get there and the office is closed. Grr...Oh well, get back home and walk through the door and all i can hear is , "SNOW BOOTS!" So i get them both dressed in ALL their gear and we go play outside. it was TOO cute. The little one looked ADORABLE in her snowsuit and the big one was just having too much fun. he even laid down and made snow angels with me :)

So then we get back inside and undressed and get drinks and snacks and I sit down on the computer to check email and what not. the house phone rings...very uncommon, but it might be the hubs so i answer. It's a collection agency for the hospital bill for my delivery of the little one. UGH...this SO should have been taken care of MONTHS ago and i've told the collection agency already that i'm disputing the claim. I DO NOT owe this $856. I don't have co-pays OR deductables. She tells me that after 45 days they report it to the credit reporting agencies...and they received my account in November. UGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I told Michael before he left that it was a simple fix and the doc's office was working on it and that i would check back in often... apparently not often enough. The doc's office lady has done nothing she's said she's done according to Tricare. So i end up making a payment to the collection agency...i SO don't want to do this, but i also SO don't want this on my credit report. then i talk to tricare and find out that i'm going to have to get reimburssed from the HOSPITAL and not Tricare...this for whatever reason pushes me over the edge and i start to cry to the tricare lady. she was very sweet, but there's really nothing she can do about it.

I just feel yuck today on top of everything. I feel fat and fugly. period.

So i've got the littles in bed and am going to drink a bottle of wine in my room and fall asleep before the first glass, i'm sure :) Tomorrow is a new day. I'm waking up early again, going to work out, and have a few errands to run. Tomorrow will be a better day. and hopefully if Michael calls again at 4 am, i'll be able to wake up and actually conduct my end of a conversation this time!

Deployment Day 3

He CALLED!! I just got to talk to him for the first time since he drove away :) He's in country but not at his final destination. He's in the cushy base right now...i wish he could stay there, but he can't! I'm just so happy to know that he's safe :)

he sounded tired and sad :( which made me sad, but i can't let myself get down. the kids need me to be stable and as sane as i can get ;) It really was so good to hear his voice that it made me unbelievably excited...adrenaline rushing, want to shout from the rooftops excited!

anyhow..my goals for the day

GET THE KITCHEN CLEAN (you'll notice that was a goal from yesterday...i did the living room, but i just keep avoiding the kitchen..i don't want to deal with it)
do laundry from start to finish (i'm really bad about never putting laundry away)
mop the floors
clean the bathrooms
work out and then shower...LOL is it bad that i have to put a shower on my to do list???

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Deployement Day 3- Night
So it was a long day. I'm tired and havent' been getting enough sleep. Not a smart move, and not totally my fault (thank you Mia). I've just vegged all day long b/c everytime I start doing things around here i start thinking and i don't like to think, so i'm just vegging. I'm forcing myself to get over it tomorrow and carry on. I need a break already and it's only been 3 days...LOL only 362 days left, right? LOL

so i didn't accomplish much today. the kitchen is slightly cleaner. I finished Mia's pants, but forgot to take pictures of them.

Tomorrow i think TIffy is taking us to Syracuse to get Mia's replacement crib (her's was recalled). I always feel better when I'm out and about. and having adult conversation all day tomorrow will be nice and HOPEFULLY Michael will call again tomorrow :) and Hopefully he won't sound so sad :( i know he's depressed and is going to be hating life for the next year, but i really really hope it's not too awful for him...