Deployment Day 61

not much to report today. We started the day with our schedule, but then we had to go to walmart. it was FREEZING out today. absolutely freezing. i didn't realize this before I left...so the kids (and of course, me, too) were cold. lol! Whoops! no major meltdowns at walmart today! WOOT! We checked th email on our way home and I got my new Wii My Trainer game. got in, fed the kids lunch, put them to bed, and put it in the wii....then proceeded to get my booty kicked :) in a good way though. it wasn't so hard that i couldn't keep up, but hard enough that i definitely was sweating and tired. I liked it overall! i'll see what i think about it tomorrow :) LOL

So i was thinking in my bath tonight that i should just move home. there are too many benefits.... and i don't think we can "count" on another deployement with the new plan to withdraw all the troops from Iraq by august 2010. but if i move home, we'll have more than enough to take our trip, pay off the car, buy another car out right, and still have significant savings. So on Monday i need to make a bunch of calls. I need to find out how much it would cost for movers to move us into a storage place here, and i need to call housing and make sure that they will move us out of a storage shed. and of course, i have to wait for Michael to call again. He's told me repeatedly that whatever i want to do is fine :)

but i was thinking that with our "leftover" money, and having 0 debt, we should be able to rent for a year or so, and then revisit the homeowner thing. we would know by then if another deployment is on the horizon, and how much we would have saved by then. i feel good about my decisions tonight :) lol

Deployment Day 60

so i know lent was wednesday, and that i'm not terribly religious. but i read on another blog that a mama had decided to give up the internet every day between the hours of 7 am. and 8 pm. for some reason it just seemed like an EXCELLENT idea, so i decided to do the same (well i decided from 8-8 would fit my schedule better ;) ).

So today was the first day :) it went well! We tried out a "schedule" and some new games and different ideas. Sean still had a slightly rough late evening, but an all around good day :) I feel accomplished and am happy with how the day went. i think we might go back to the playground tomorrow morning. they had a TON of fun there.

i talked to michael for a little while this afternoon. he had no new thoughts on what i should do. i'm just going to sit on it for a little while and see what happens :)

i'm watching Get Smart. i LOVED this show growing up :)

Deployment DayS 58 & 59

i tried to blog my Wordless Wednesday last night, but i just couldn't make it work. for some reason my pictures just wouldn't post...or they'd post but not post right. so i'm trying again :)











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THURSDAY

really, there's not much to blog today. i still have no clue what i should do. It's apparently 100% my decision, as i was told yesterday. If anyone has some words that would make my decsion 100% crystal clear, that would be Super ;) i see lots of upsides to going home...LOTS of upsides. and there are a few upsides to staying here...i enjoy my own space. i think it'd be better for the kids to be at home. especially sean. I so feel like i'm failing him so much of the time. i just don't know what to try and what i'm doing right and wrong. he'd be able to go to preschool there, and i think that would be WONDERFUL for him. i really do.

anyhoo...we went to the playground this morning. the kids had a blast. i think we are ALL so stinkin ready for some SUN! (yes ANOTHER bonus to TN...no 80 month long winter...)

Deployment Day 57

***just a warning...this is not going to be a very happy blog entry today. i am trying to be positive, but i can tell you already that it's not going to be positive entry. if you don't want to hear (read?) it than feel free to just skip this one :) ***

Do you ever just feel bad when you know that you really don't have a reason?? I know in my head that i should be on cloud 9, but i.am.not. period. I do NOT feel happy today.

let me back up.

Michael signed his papers this morning. He reenlisted for Fort Campbell. We'll be moving there in May 2010. THIS is EXCELLENT news. excellent. what we've been waiting for for like 5 years now. We've been talking for days and days about the possibility of buying a house in Clarksville. We want to stay there. we already know we like clarksville, and it's so close to home that we just want to stay there. Being homeowners is a HUGE dream of ours. something we have seriously dreamed about since we got married. but we knew it wasn't logical to buy a house when we were going to be moving so often. so we just let ourselves dream and accepted the fact that we wouldn't be homeowners until retirement. so we saw this awesome opportunity and have been so excited about it.
Well we decided yesterday that in order to get a really good down payment, i should just move back home and save all that rent money. we ran all the numbers and the possiblities and after we saw that it was really going to work, we got really excited. there were going ot be downsides to me moving home, but we decided that it was really going to be best.

so i emailed him this morning and said that i didn't realize how big of a thing we were asking my mom and dad until the words were coming out of my mouth, but that Mom had said it was ok. He called a few hours later and long story short(er), he no longer thinks that moving home is a really good idea. we got too excited and didn't think about the impact it was going to have on others.

I am disappointed and confused as to what will actually be best for us it's hard to just look past wants and desires and think 100% logically and look at situations from every angle. i was doing that the other day when we first started thinking about all this. I was very careful to not get my hopes up and to try and be skeptical and think it all the way through. and now i'm slightly crushed b/c i did so much thinking and research and planning and allowed myself to get excited and this is really really really something that i want. and now it just might not happen.

add to this, Tiffany is leaving in just a few hours. i feel super lonely. I had gotten excited about moving back home nad having friends and family and i feel like that's been taken away from me (i know, dramatic much??) and now the only friend i have here is also being taken from me :(

and also we had a REALLY REALLY crappy connection this morning so our calls kept getting dropped, which makes it really hard to carry on a conversation. it was INCREDIBLY frustrating. we eventually just gave up. so now i've been thinking about all these possible scenarios all day and i don't even know when i'm going to get to talk to michael again.

and b/c of all of this, i was in a grumpy mood, which means the kids were in a grumpy mood, which just creates a vicious circle. LOL

so i know this is all not that serious and i should be really excited that we'll be back in TN in 15 months time. that should be my focus, and it will be...tomorrow :) but for now i'm allowing myself to be upset. just for today. tomorrow the sun will rise on a new day and a new perspective and i'll be able to focus on the positive. but for now, i sulk ;) LOL

Deployment Day 56

i worked hard today. Took care of business, cleaned cleaned cleaned, and ran some errands :) i am exhausted tonight. i got almost zero sleep last night. like literally. so i'm watching Heroes right now and then am definitely going to bed. I just hope i'm able to get some sleep. i have NOT been sleeping well lately. i sleep pretty ok, but good lord it takes forever to fall asleep.

anywho...it was another disastrous trip to walmart today. Not anywhere near as bad as last time, but he wasn't very good. but thankfully we didn't need to be there very long.

No phone call today. I emailed him, but haven't heard back. I'm weighing options right now and considering moving home. Just for the purpose of saving money. michael (and me too) really want to buy our own house. so i was on a fact finding mission this afternoon. i still have a LOT to learn, but i learned a lot today :)

We have our playdate tomorrow morning. Pray it goes well!!

Deployment Day 55

It was an INCREDIBLY lazy day at the Matasick household. i'm chalking it up to it being a Sunday.

But Michael called tonight. we had a fun phone call. we talked all about buying houses in Clarksville. we looked a bunch up on line. just day dreamin :) but hopefully when we get back to TN we can make it a reality! we'll just have to see what the next year holds :)

Deployment Day 54

No phone call today :( boo...

We decided today that sean HAD to get a hair cut. It was bad. So i called. there's this awesome place in Watertown, with this wonderful woman named Kim. We got an apointment for noon. nap's at 1, so noon worked fine :) We get there and Kim is finishing up with the client before me. So we have a seat...where sean finds a bowl of "pops!" LOL dumdums and mini tootsie pops to be exact. :) so we talked about Pops for 5 minutes and how he could get one after his haircut IF he was a good boy and sat really still. So the entire time he talked about pops... "brown pop" and then Kim told sean, "Your hair's so long you could wear it in a pony tail!" COMPLETELY cracked him up. then we talked about what Daddy would say if he had a pony tail, "No way!" LOL then we finished up and Sean did get his Pop :) a "brown pop" (tootsie pop). he came home and devoured it in about 3.5 seconds :) LOL

Deployment Day 53

we stayed home again. did some stuff around the house. nothing major. michael called today :) WE really had a pretty good conversation today. once again, nothing major, but a nice conversation. It seems that his reenlistment is going through :) we were worried b/c some people have had their reelistments denied... but as of right now, Michael should be able to sign the papers tomorrow night...maybe Monday b/c of the weekend. and that means we should be at Fort Campbell in May 2010. I know better than to get my hopes up until it's a done deal. but if we do get to fort campbell...that would be AWESOME! lol

Deployment Day 52

I got to experience my first true public meltdown today. in walmart. there weren't any of those carts that both kids can sit in, so sean walked. he refused to hold my hand throughout the store, but stayed with me Pretty well...for a 2.5 year old, at least. then. the check out aisle. evil, evil, checkout aisle. Candy! Candy with movie characters on it! Candy, with movie characters on it, in the shape of cameras and cell phones! he ended up throwing a fit when i took away his "cars camera" (that i did NOT give him, by the way...they're on the floor level, right where he has full acess to them). i made him sit in time out in the aisle while i paid. he SCREAMED. i mean, top of his lungs, as loud as he can get, screaming...and he was kicking the belt thingie. I feel sure everyone in the store was watching me, but i ignored all the eyes that i felt burning in the back of my head, and sean. he stopped quickly. then when we got in the car, i was so mad that i took his baby shrek that he had brought and threw it in the box that we were mailing to Michael and told him that I was sending his toy to Daddy b/c he'd been so bad. LOL..not my finest mommy moment and on the way to the post office, i regretted saying it, but i couldnt' take it back...i had to go through with it...so michael will soon be receiving a box with fresh, clean towels, weight lifting gloves, kool aid, and a baby shrek toy from McDonalds...

why didn't anyone include this in the list of firsts everyone talks about when your having a baby?? First words, first steps, first teeth....first public tantrum :) oh yeah...b/c then no one would reproduce :) LOL

Deployment Day 51-Wordless Wednesday

Deployment Day 50!

woot! 50 days down! LOL!!

so...My husband SUCKS at talking on the phone. He is ALWAYS talking to someone else, doing something else. he just is not good at talking on the phone. and he only calls while he's at work so the conversations never super personal. it really leaves a lot to be desired :) LOL TOnight he was talking to someone about a broom, and searching the web for an MP3 player. yeah. interesting conversation.

anyway. fun filled day of errands here :) we got up, got breakfast, coffee (for me, not the kids, i swear ;) ), got dressed and then we had to go to the post office. I had tiffy's tough box to mail, a box for a friend of ours who is already in Afghanistan, and a box i had to mail to michael....and 2 kids. so i loaded up the car, then got the kids shoes and coats on, then remembered that it was trash day. so i go to try and drag the trash cans to the curb...they were frozen to the ground, and when i tried to move them, it strained my back. ugh. so then i had to pick them up and carry them one at a time to the curb (there's only 2 and the curb is only about 25 feet away...this is not as big of a deal as i'm making it seem, i swear). as i'm carrying the first overfull trashcan to the curb, i step on a huge, thick chunk of ice and slip..i don't fall, just twist and hurt my back this time. then i had to get the other trashcan unstuck and carry it to the curb. then get the kids loaded into the car, drive to the post office. I take in the two boxes, set them down, get the tough box, bring it in, set it down, then go back out and grab the kids. this stressed me out but i figured leaving them out in the car for the 10 seconds they were out of my sight was better than leaving them unattended in the post office, or letting them run around the parking lot. carrying the heavy boxes was not fun...my back is HURTING by the end of my post office adventure. i then figure it's better to just stay in the car than go home, so we go to the car wash and get the car washed. the car wash is easily one of sean's favorite places...he loves to give the play by play...as if it were some terrifying. "AAAAH!!! here comes the water mommy!" "the soap got me Mommy! it's getting you Mommy! It's going to get Mia Mommy!" "The dryer!! The dryers on Mommy!!" all the while just giggling and laughing his head off. it's possible he needs to get out more..LOL! After our exciting adventure in the carwash, we drove through arby's before we went home. my plan was to keep the kids in the car as long as possible so we could just get home, eat lunch and straight to bed, leaving me with very little work to actually do :)

i've taken 2 500mg naproxen today and my back still hurts...it'll be better tomorrow, i feel sure. It better b/c i got nothing accomplished this afternoon! LOL

Deployment day 49

we stayed home today. i've done laundry today, cleaned, played, etc. sean was in a mood. i'm exhausted. i have to force myself to go to bed at night. then to force myself to turn off the tv and go to sleep. i hate sleeping alone. i miss my best friend. my partner. my other half :( i loved being at home and i loved having cate here, but at the end of the day it was still lonely going to bed alone.

michael didn't call today either. i'm really not as sad as this entry sounds, i swear. just miss him. and am soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo tired. i know that's definitely not helping me.

sorry for the downer entry...

Deployment Day 48

Cate's gone :( She had to go home today. We woke this morning, had breakfast, got dressed, and were off to winterfest! winterfest family fun festival in syracuse...it sounded like lots of fun on line...a magician MC, balloon animals, face painting, a caricaturist.... so we thought we'd check it out!! we got there a little early..had the time wrong. no big deal. we got our caricature done first. me, sean and mia. the guy was really nice. talked to sean a lot...had been doing this for 20 years, apparently. it was an...interesting...picture. i know what caricatures look like, but this guy made mia look like pinky and the brain! LOL then we made a duck necklace, that you fill with sand...ya know, all the different colors of sand in layers? it stayed in layers for about 30 seconds..lol!!

the whole thing was pretty lame. there were 3 different "polar bears" walking around. sean was terrified of them. mia was enthralled with them at first, then high fived them...then started basically attacking them. she literally spend 30 minutes going from one to the other just hugging them. it was hilarious :)

anyhow...then we went on to the mall to do some shopping :) we hung out there until it was time to take cate to the airport. we had lunch, got some bras, cate gave mia her first taste of diet coke ( ;) LOL), got some other clothes...really really good time!! I'm exhausted...just ready to sleep...lol.

michael called tonight, but was pretty busy at work, so we really didn't talk much. i told him about our day and he got to talk to sean a little. he said he should be able to get his reenlistment paper work tomorrow or the next day. we'll be going to fort campbell may of '10. that would be AWESOME. wonderful, except for the stupid deployment aspect.

Deployment Day 47

(once again...posting on the wrong day :) LOL)

busy busy busy! me, cate, and the kids ran some more errands today. we went shopping at the mall...we didn't find much and we had a few meltdowns :) then it was off to walmart, but we were in watertown, so it was the crappy walmart. but we found some stuff we needed for Michael. he's been requesting blue sheets for a while now..lol then lowes where we got shelves for the pantry and a storage unit for the living room for all the kids toys.

came home and made lunch for everyone, then it was naptime, and me and cate got to work. i put together the toy unit, and cate installed shelves. then she organized all our food. lol when the kids got up, we played and watched toy story 1, and 2 :)ate dinner, took a bath...the usual

then after the kids went to bed, we played GUITAR HERO!!! love that game. it was really fun. cate had never played. but by then end of the night, she was just as good, or better, than me...but that's really not saying a whole lot :) LOL

michael called too. he sounded in good spirits. he was telling me about how he threw a fit...

i gotta go..i just had a milk cup thrown at me :) lol

Deployment Day 46

Well, after 2 days, delayed flights many many fits in the airport, car, and pretty much everywhere else, we're HOME!! we got home last night. We went grocery shopping today, and both babies went to the doctor. sean needed more medicine b/c i left his at my parents house. but everyone looks good! sean's ear is healing, mia got the all clear, we got cold medicine from the doctor and mia's pediasure finally came in! Cate's here. she actually got in several hours before us...oops! lol.

we just did errands today :) px, commissary, walmart, shoe store, doctors. then cate made me load up mia's old (recalled) crib in my tiny little card and illegally dump it behind the shoe store :) LOL very exciting. the kids didn't get a nap today and were TOTALLY exhausted. they crashed all over the place before bed, and went to sleep quickly.

Michael called today while we were in walmart. he's pretty sure that he's reenlisting for fort campbell. while this is VERY good news, it's totally breaking my heart at the same time. he so doesn't want to reenlist and fort campbell means more deployments :( he sounded so depressed when he told me. not at all excited :( it really made me feel really really badly. but we'll get a bonus :) and get to live in TN again!! and, as always, i'll believe it when i see it. nothings final yet.

off to watch ER with Cate!!

Deployment Day 40

whew!! Vacation is TIRING! Sean has an ear infection...which explains some of his behavior...i think the rest is b/c michael's gone, and well...he's 2. Dad is home from the hospital and doing really really well. He's going back to work on tuesday. he passes his stress test yesterday. we all feel much better now :)

michael's gotten to call a couple of times. he's working really really hard right now (imagine that ;) LOL) but he is working 18 hour days trying to get all these systems up and running on a bunch of crappy computers on a really shakey network...with only 1 other person helping! fun stuff. but he did say that the days have been going by fast working so much. so there is a very small silver lining :) LOL he sounds really really tired, but i think he'll be ok. i miss him like crazy. sometimes it just hits me.

but the weather is sunny and warm here today :) i LOVE it. we took the kids to the park this morning. sean and mia both had a BLAST. sean climbed this weird ladder thing and was so super proud of himself :)